Long Beach Memories

This weekend Mother and I brought my great-aunt Teresa, whom is a nun in Long Beach…out for a birthday lunch.  My Aunt Catherine and Owen came along as well…BUT going out to eat during Owen’s nap time didn’t turn out to be the best visit we’ve had! haha

Sr. Teresa works at St. Cornelian's Church in Long Beach off Bellflower Blvd. I was driving my Mom’s car (since I’m a control freak AND get car sick) I started to get weird familiar  feelings. I felt like I had been here before…which I knew I had b/c we lived in Long Beach until 1988 before moving out to Fontana. But I wasn’t sure if my familiar feelings were coming from my childhood OR from the 40 mile Avon Breast Cancer walk Mother and I did in Long Beach back in 2009 (when I was 13 weeks prego)

After lunch I asked mom to guide me to see our old house…off Fanwood. 

As we drove past it, I got so sad. The house was so different than I remember, it was so run-down now. I wish Mom had a full picture of the house from when we lived there…but all she could find was this one of me, Paul & my Aunt Majella on the front porch in 1986…

And now the house looked like this…

As we drove down the street…I was over-come with emotion….emotions that I haven’t faced in a while. I wanted to go home and tell Paul how horrible the house looked. And I wanted to ask him what the name of his friend was that we’d go to around the block and they’d look at dirty magazines while I’d play with the dog and eat apples…I wanted to talk to Paul…and realizing I couldn’t was frustrating. It was weird to me that I was having the same frustrations that I faced many years ago when he passed away. But today I miss him. I miss him a lot. I mean I miss him everyday…not a day goes by that I don’t think of my brother…our past…the questions of what our future would have been…but today was different. I had a sense of yearning for him again…like I was going  backwards in my grieving process! I cried as we drove…thankfully my Owen was asleep…missing out on Mama’s trip down memory lane.

 

That house in Long Beach had many memories…and ALL of them included Paul…my big brother. Its different…my childhood memories of Paul in Fontana are mixed with those of very good friends I had then as well…but in the LB house, he is all I remember. I didn’t have friends in Long Beach (that I can remember anyway)…I was only 4 years old. Paul was my best friend, my role model and I wanted to do EVERYTHING he did.  And since he was such a huge part of that house…I just want him to see it now. I wonder what he would think.  See that window in the garage…that was Paul’s room!! NO he didn’t live in the garage…that was converted into a 3rd bedroom and our rooms were attached!

And this little walk-way (belonging to a neighbor down the street) is where I learned the valuable lesson to NOT ride your bike without shoes…those corner stones took my pinky nail right off one day!!! I tell that story often to kids on bikes w/o shoes!!!

 

 

This time of year is tough…especially for those who have lost loved ones. Christmas time is meant to be shared with family…and when a piece is missing its hard!! My extended family in Ireland have recently suffered a HORRIBLE loss this week, a mother and daughter in a car accident…May God be with the Herbert Family during this time…and anyone out that that believes, please say a  prayer for God to comfort them during this time! Thanks!

 

 

<---PERFECTLY said!