March 24, 2000

What were you doing 11 years ago today?? I was thinking about my senior prom, thinking about how much I hated my softball coach for screwing me over my last year of softball…thinking about boyfriend and girlfriends…and all that stuff a typical senior in high school is thinking about…until I came home from school that day. 11 years ago today was the WORST day of my life. It was an unusually warm day for March…I can even remember what I was wearing…a red tank top and my favorite pair of jeans. I wore black flip flops…which for me at the time was out of my comfort zone. My Senior year I wore “baby doll” t-shirts, jeans or dickies and skate shoes…sandals weren’t my thing…yet! The usual drive home from FoHi softball practice, in my ‘94 red toyota tercel.  I pulled up in front of my house, on Redwood Drive, and a family friend came down from a neighbors house. I had known this female for at least 10 years…our brothers were best friends. She came down to tell me that she thought He had been hurt…seriously hurt.  And I asked her “like rolling off a roof and breaking his arm hurt…or worse?”  (Some people got to see him in his lovely cast after falling off a roof and breaking his arm)  She said “like way worse”.  Very skeptical I put my softball and school bag inside my house and drove to where she thought He was. One block from my house…Jasmine Place.

Once I saw the police caution tape, I knew it…once I asked the officer if someone was seriously hurt, I knew it….Once I asked if my brother was in there dead…I knew it. I begged the officer to let me in…I begged him to just tell me the answer I needed to know. But deep down I didn’t need to hear anything, I had “that” feeling…you know the one you read about in book…well I had it. I asked the officer if the guy in that house had a gray sweatshirt on and a silver ball necklace…with dark hair…I knew what He was wearing b/c I saw him the night before…riding a bike in the Ralphs parking lot. I saw him and never even stopped to say hello…w/ fear he wouldn’t say hello back…since we hadn’t spoke in a few months, our relationship was rocky at the least.  The officer’s facial response meant more than the words that came out of his mouth…I knew it.  Then Officer Jerk-off told me to go home and just relax! (WHAT THE HELL, How do you relax!)

That “He” I’m speaking of…is my 20 year old brother, Paul!

SO I went home and called my parents and told them to come home RIGHT AWAY! Not wanting to be home alone I went to my dear friend Erika’s for some comfort until my Mother was arrived at home. I don’t remember much about that visit but I do remember going there. 

Hours later…the detective came to my house to ask questions…and give the “I’m so sorry” speech. It seemed to be a bit of a “scuffle” were his words…My heart sunk…as did my mothers and fathers. I didn’t know what to do w/ myself…I just had the urge to run. So I did…as hard and as fast as I could. Running w/o thinking..but ended up down the street at my 2nd families…the Kostelniks. I sat and cried…for what seemed like hours. The rest of that time in my life was a blur…visitors, flowers, visitors, food, family, friends, crying, anger, hiding away at my high school boyfriends house…trying to be strong for my parents but deep down just not knowing how to deal.  I grieved…and still grieve to this day! I miss him dearly…I want to hurt the person responsible for this!

Sometimes I wonder if it would have happened a different way if I would have been able to heal a little better. If it was a car accident, snowboarding accident, biking accident, disease, illness…something. But no…not like this. His death was literally at the hands of someone else…someone else that didn’t pay the price for doing this. I won’t go into specifics…but having a brother whom has been murdered…and NO justice has prevailed for his life…is something you never recover from. Yes I know “that” person will have his judgment day at the gates of Heaven…but I want something done now.  I never got the chance to say good-bye…or even hello for that matter. The choices Paul made throughout his teen years caught up with him…the choices of “friends”, activities, etc. but those choices, whether they were good or bad are not a good enough reason for him to be taken from us like that!

11 years later…I think about what he would have been like. What would he be doing for a living? Would be be married? Man I know his kids would have been adorable, dark hair, blue eyes just like him?!? You know that song by Kenny Chesney…and that part “I wonder what he would’ve named his babies….”  I think about that all the time.  I get angry since my son won’t get to meet his Uncle Paul…gosh he would have loved him so much. My brother never even got to meet and harrass my husband…which in turn angers Yosh. 

Every year on this day I take the day off work to spend it with Mom. Some years are more emotional than others…but this year was just different. I thought about him so much…I thought about that day, that night, the next day and why things happened the way they did. Why has our life been so hard?  We told Owen that we were going to visit Uncle Paul today…and he seemed happy.  We got to our familiar place at Riverside National Cemetery…and it was like Owen knew what was going on. Owen loved the flowers that Nana put on Paul’s grave…he couldn’t stop touching and smelling them.  We chatted…but Owen kept our spirits up…giggling and laughing the whole time.  Telling me “you can’t”…he just seemed so happy. Those innocent naïve feelings rubbed off onto Mother and I…I miss my brother so deeply…and now that I have a son of my own my pain for my Mother’s loss is so much different now. I thought it was bad losing a brother…but the pain that my parents feel to this day is incomparable! God has been good and allowed them comfort in life, and Mom said today that she knows that she was put on this earth for Owen…so she was going to spoil him rotten until she no longer can!  The fact that Owen has to visit Paul like this just isn’t fair! I know he won’t know any different, but still I’ll throw a little pity party for myself!

I know Paul’s at peace…but March 24, 2000 my family lost a huge piece of our  heart that will never be filled.  Thank you Paul for being my guardian angel, the light that help me get through tough times…you are FOREVER in my heart!

 

Rest in Peace Brother!

Paul Patrick Gallagher

April 19, 1979 – March, 24, 2000

Daddy’s Vegas Weekend Away…so Owen and Mommy were gonna play!

Yosh decided that he wanted to join Sean Brown, Joel, Josh Parker and a few of the guys for a “guys weekend” in Vegas for the opening weekend of March Madness (college basketball for all of your peeps that don’t know that haha). I didn’t mind…he works hard and deserves a weekend away! …UNTIL I realized it was St. Patrick’s Day…What the heck…he left me on MY freakin’ holiday!!! haha But I got over it quickly! ((Note to Yosh: Next year you WON’T be leaving Mama home on St. Paddy’s Day!!!))  But since Daddy was going to be away we packed our weekend with fun stuff to do!!!

St. Paddy’s Day…I had work as usual…but look at what the “Leprechaun’s” brought us on this special day….yes we finally got sod put in the backyard!  I knew extra Financial Aid money was good for something! hahaha Pretty exciting as we are prepping for Owen’s 2nd birthday party and this year we actually have a backyard to do it in! yay.

 

We played out back, admiring our now lawn (but yes we were staying off it)…Owen helped “clean up" and I tried to get a cute pic of his Green shirt…but he’s difficult these days!  He wouldn’t even pose with Mama for a cute picture…lil rascal!

So Bernie and I made the closest thing to an Irish breakfast as we could…fried potatoes, fried eggs and turkey bacon. I REALLY wish we were able to get potato waffles and rashers here in the states…but oh well! Makes it nice going home and eating it there! We settled in for the night with a few drinks and watched “The Hangover” while we prayed that Yosh wasn’t acting like that in Vegas as we watched haha

Flashback!!

To think that last year, Yosh & I and Erika & Chuck and a few others gathered at Roscoe’s in Chino to celebrate…and MAN I looked like hell!! It’s a cute place that Chuck and Erika have made a tradition to go there every Paddy’s day…and we just tag along w/ them every year! Its fun! But I had1/2 an inch or less of hair…barely any eyebrows…jeez la weez! And imagine…I thought I looked good that evening too…compared to how I had been feeling and looking!  LOL Wow.

                  St. Paddy’s Day 2010  

                                                                 

Next year we’ll have to be back on the Roscoe’s bandwagon and celebrate with our awesome friends! Miss them this year!

Friday I decided to have a few of the wives who’s hubbies were also in Vegas over. Heather and Ryry, Deanna, K-K and Wyatt and Taryn & Addi (who’s hubby was NOT in Vegas) came over for dinner and a massive play date!

Eating, playing, bath-time and then finally bedtime so the Mama’s could sit and relax! Was a very fun night!!! Heather and Ryland spent the night, so it was a nice surprise for Owen when he woke up and was able to have breakfast with Ryry!

…all this fun and the weekend wasn’t even over! My dear friend Gabby’s love is away in Afghanistan on deployment. So I figured it would be a great night to go down and keep her company!  First stop was Ronnie’s rookie little league game. Was pretty cool to see those 8-9 year olds play some ball…made me so excited for Owen to be at that level. My little dude decided that climbing at the park was more fun than watching…

Pizza and drinks was on the evenings agenda…once our little lovelies were bathed and in bed…

 

Thanks for a very fun…mellow night girls! Its been 2 days and I’m still exhausted!…we just don’t recover like we once did my friends…

 

So Owen and I had a very fun weekend keeping ourselves busy so we didn’t miss Daddy too much!

…and yes I kept the pics my drunken husband was texting to me…but this one has got to be the best!! Glad you had fun babe! I love you.

Spring is coming…yay!

 

So a few weeks ago (yeah kinda slipping on the current blog posts!) we went from having the coldest weather in like 10 years or something (which was fecking FREEZING for us Californians!) to putting the sprinklers on for Owen to entertain him for a bit. It was sooo warm…we busted out the shorts and had some fun!  Owen even tricked Daddy into “showing him how to touch the middle sprinkler” lol

  

  Owen: “How do you do it Daddy??”

 

 

Daddy showed the little man how to “run through the sprinklers” haha I was praying Yosh would slip and fall and I’d be able to catch it all on tape! hahaha just kidddding!

 

 

Owen’s turn…he liked it until it started getting him in the face! 

Days like this make me so excited for summer time…its  right around the corner…I can almost taste it!!

 

 

And since the next few days were gorgeous as well…we took full advantage and went to the park!! I love watching my little man explore…he’s growing by the minute…and I just want to save every memory in a bottle, seal it and save it forever and ever!

Bittersweet

 

A few weeks ago we got the call from Marilyn (Yosh’s mother) that Grandpa Wilson (who just turned 93 on Feb. 4th) wasn’t doing well. In January, grandpa’s sister, Thelma, had passed away at the young age of 104! Yes I just wrote ONE HUNDRED AND FOUR years old…(the genes in that family are amazing!) and Grandpa seemed to have been declining ever since.  So on February 27th, in the early hours of the morning, Grandpa Wilson peacefully passed on to be with his siblings, wife and son in Heaven.  Very sad. He lived such an amazing life being born in Oklahoma in 1918. The stories he told Yosh could be published and taught in a U.S. History class. He lived and saw so much of what we talk about in our American History!

 

I’m so thankful for the few months he stayed with Al & Marilyn last year. Owen & I got to meet and spend some time with him and Yosh got to chat with his grandpa which he hadn’t got to do in a very long time! Grandpa Wilson even came to the Souza house for Owen’s first Christmas!

Talk about a picture of generations! Love this picture!

 

So we made the road trip to Fresno for Grandpa’s funeral. I was nervous about the long drive and Owen but man my child is just amazing! He did AWESOME the whole 4 hours or so that it took to get there. The drive was absolutely amazing. I didn’t know that it was such a beautiful drive!!!!  Between the farms, crops, cows, BEAUTIFUL scenery And the  Cherry Blossom Trees that were in bloom…they are amazing.  The whole way home I thought to myself “Get out of the car and take a damn picture of this”…buuut didn’t want to pull over on the freeway. We stopped in Bakersfield on our way home to meet a dear college friend, Amy Newman (formerly Davis) for lunch, and she text me a pic of this cherry tree the next day…Thank You Amy!  But I think these “snowy” trees will always have a special place in my heart!!!

Anyway…back to the trip, we stayed at the same hotel as my in-laws which made it nice. They got to spend some quality time with Owen while we just hung out in the room.  Yosh has family all around California (and some in Louisiana), but doesn’t get to see them very often (last time was probably 14 years ago when his Grandmother passed away).  I got to meet his Uncle “Butch” from Kerman/Fresno, Cali, his kids Joanna, James, Frank; Uncle Chris and his wife Arlene from Louisiana; Uncle Phillip from Fresno and some of his kids, like Sheri.  The night we arrived in Fresno, after the viewing we went to a “Me & Ed’s” pizza place for dinner and had a lovely time to just sit and chat. Was really nice.

          Phillip & Marilyn                                       Butch, Chris & Arlene

How can I explain the funeral?? It was so different than any funeral I have been to. I have been to A LOT of young people’s funerals…too many if you ask me. Those funerals are sooooo tragic, emotional, drama filled and just straight out DRAINING. They are horrible. But old people’s funerals are so different.  I mean, I have attended “old peoples” funerals before, like my Grandmother’s and Great-Aunt Kathleen…but they were very Catholic and not many attended. Small families and …I don’t know. But Grandpa Wilson has been in California for a long time and had made many friends and has LOTS of family! The chapel was packed.  Of course there are tears, mostly w/ the stories and memories that people remembered, but there were more laughs than there were tears.  It was so peaceful and almost happy. He lived such a long life and was loved by so many people.  Yosh’s family is just so big, and it was cool to see them all together.  I had to sit in the back of the chapel with Owen, who after an Elvis song that was played for Grandpa Owen said very loud “Good Song Mama”…made me giggle. Yosh was seated in the front row w/ the other Pallbearers, and was very emotional thinking about his grandparents, but heard Owen and just smiled.

In our culture it isn’t right to take pictures at a funeral, but I did w/ my phone for Missy (my sister-in-law) since she wasn’t able to get there from New York.  I got permission from Yosh to post these in my blog, but I’m very sorry if they offend anyone!

 

Such a big crowd for such an old man! …so awesome! He’ll be buried with his wife, Ella, and next to his son George.

Yosh and his cousins were the pallbearers that Grandpa Wilson requested!

It was so bittersweet to get meet family like this, but I’m so happy we got this opportunity!  Grandpa Wilson lived such a wonderful life, I wish we were able to spend more time with him, but we all know we can’t start with the “woulda shoulda coulda” game. 

Rest In Peace Grandpa!

 

Wilson Wesley Workmon

February 4, 1918 – February 27, 2011

 

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