December 25

I knew that Christmas day last year would suck but like everything during those 24 weeks of hell, I’d get through it. I remember saying “Gosh next year its going to be sooo much better, in soooo many ways”. And MAN I was sooooo right!! I knew then I’d appreciate this year after what we had to deal w/ before but man…I look at this picture of last Christmas and it brings tears to my eyes! It was such a horrible day…from what I can remember through the chemo-haze! (I remember most by the pictures…and us Gallagher's always do everything the same every year…we never deviate from our routines EXCEPT this year we skipped the potato salad and I made Jody’s Twice Baked Potatoes which were a total HIT!) I had chemo on the 23rd, so by the 25th I was NOT feeling well! I had to pretend like I was feeling ok so that no one would know how much I was hating every second of it. It makes me sad that I was so miserable for Owen’s first Christmas; at least he won’t remember it…and hey, in all the pictures I faked it pretty darn good!  I was feeling SO bad that day that I went BALD all day. Usually when I was going through treatment I’d always wear something on my head when other people were around. I was only comfortable for Owen, Yosh and Mom to see me really hair-less.  But when I woke up last Christmas morning…my “chemo hangover” was in full effect I had to just get myself dressed and be ready for the day! Of course our families were wonderful…they cooked, cleaned and made Owen’s first Christmas as normal as it could be.

 

I not only appreciated being able to have a wonderful Christmas day with/for Owen but also for my husband. Yosh wasn’t physically the one with the cancer last year but he had to go through all of it with me, whether he wanted to or not. It was like he too was the cancer patient going to some of the treatments, taking days off work, doing the cooking (or fast-food runs) and trying to just be the supportive strong husband for me! Only difference was he got to keep his hair, endured only self-inflicted hangovers, never had needles pricking the hell outta him and didn’t gain the 12lbs that I did (wait sooo not fair!)!!! Yosh is a HUGE Christmas person (minus the whole outside lights thing haha) but he’s totally like a child…wants me to stay up past him, lay out his presents, fill his stocking, etc. (Deep down I think he still kinda believes in Santa) but last year he had to play the Santa…he even had too fill his own stocking (which you better believe he did!) This year was just so much better…we have a “real” child to play Santa for and its so much fun! I now understand why my Dad was the way he was about Christmas and Santa and why he NEVER wanted Paul and I to stop believing! Playing Santa is great…and I can’t wait for the days when Owen believes and knows what Santa is all about…OHHHH its gonna be so much fun!

So anyway, Owen got TOTALLY spoiled…sooo many toys and fun things. Yosh and I also got TOTALLY spoiled…and it was a great day! Thanks families….Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!

Christmas Eve Traditions

I met Yosh in November 2002 at The Brown’s house-warming party in San Bernardino…it was a weird time in my life. I was having the summer of my life, hanging out w/ awesome people and then BAM Yosh walks into my life and throws me for a loop. I fell in love pretty darn quick! In 2000 and 2001 my parents and I went away to Hawaii for the holidays and pretended it wasn’t Christmas at all.  We lost Paul in 2000 and Christmas time just made our heart hurt so much to have to try and celebrate without him…it just wasn’t the same. 2 years away, my family knew we couldn’t “not” celebrate forever, so 2002 was going to be our first Christmas home trying to get things back to Holiday Normal.  I was NOT looking forward to the holiday season and having just met Yosh I knew it would make for some awkward conversations. Since I had only known Yosh for a month I figured I’d miss him for Christmas b/c he’d be w/ his family, I’d be with mine…we wouldn’t be “co-mingling” w/ our families just yet and maybe I’d get to meet up w/ him for New Years!?! BUT…Yosh was awesome and surprised me w/ a dozen long steam roses delivered to my house AND tickets to Disneyland for Christmas Eve. It was the best way to keep my mind busy and we had a great time. (Sorry don’t have digital copies of pics from back then…maybe I can scan some)  With that being said Yosh stuck around and so did our little Christmas Eve Tradition.

On Christmas Eve 2004 Yosh took “the step” and proposed to me at the entrance of Disneyland! His plan was to propose during the fireworks at the end of the evening BUT he was bursting with excitement and wasn’t able to wait! haha

    

 

We have gone every year except those we are in Ireland or last year since I had was going through chemo and had a treatment schedule for the 23rd.  So this year was Owen’s first X-mas Eve at Disney (his 2nd time in D-Land) and I was scared b/c Owen woke up on Dec. 22nd with a horrible cough, congestion and slight fever. I thought our Disney day was going to be called off. I brought him to Kaiser on the 23rd to be told that poor Owen had a double ear infection and croup. We started the antibiotics right away, had a day of complete rest and the doc said he’d be okay for D-Land the next day.

So…we got to the Happiest Place on Earth around 10am and our first stop was going to be Mickey’s House since we’ve been building this up for Owen. I was praying he wouldn’t flip out…but it wouldn’t surprise me if he did. Amazingly we hardly had to wait, we got to go in and see the Mouse. Owen walked up to him and said “Knucks” and “High Five”….so he was buddies with Mickey from the start. It was so adorable.

 

The weather in So. Cal has been horrible the  past week….so since Christmas Eve was the first day of sunshine, Disneyland was extra packed….ohhhhh man just the way we like it. NOT! But we always just go w/ it and try and enjoy our day! We went on a few rides, played on Tom Sawyers Island and watched the Christmas Parade. This year, we got our tickets from an awesome family, so we got to “park-hop” for the first time. Made Yosh and I realize that next Disneyland trip we will be purchasing Park-Hoppers to really explore the great California Adventure!  These are Owen’s 2 trips to the Magical Kingdom!

July 2009…Yosh’s birthday and Owen’s first Disney trip!	Dec. 24th, 2010…

 

 

Of course it wouldn’t be the Souza blog without more flashback pics! Enjoy!

2004…the year we got engaged! Oh what a great day!	2005…we went later in the day to miss the kiddie-morning-rush!

 

In 2008 I was prego with Owen, it was freezing and we still enjoyed our day!	In 2009 our Christmas Eve tradition took place on Dec. 1st. I was sick, hair-less and not happy. BUT we had to bring Catherine and John from Ireland to see Disney…so we left Owen w/ Nana and had a Christmas Day at Disneyland. And it ended up being an AWESOME day!

I can’t wait to continue this wonderful tradition for many many years to come!  Hopefully we’ll have more little Souza’s to drag around and I’ll love every minute of it!!

Christmas Time with my girls.

“Everyone has a “best friend” during each stage of life-only a precious few have the same one” ~Anonymous

 

I have tons of friends, MANY great friends, but only a few that are like sisters to me. We have grow together, then apart and then back together. We love each other, we hate each other, we adore each other, we fight with each other, we support each other and question each other….but in the end we can’t live without one another!   Through school, sports, partying, dating, marriage, kids, everything…we have somehow stuck together through it all!

I’ve known Cindy since the 2nd-3rd grade at Oak Park Elementary (one of our long standing arguments…she says 2nd grade, I say the 3rd grade); Gabby since 6th grade at Southridge Middle School and Southridge Little League; Erika since the 8th grade through Little League (we hated each other b/c we were on rival little league teams!)  Over the years we grew to all love each other very much. Of course, like any other relationship we all have our moments and issues but all in all these girls are my family.

We all live very busy different lives, but yearly we make a point to come together w/ our families to celebrate Christmas. Some years we have other awesome friends, but in the end the 4 of us have stayed true and together. Here are some pics I found of some of our Annual Christmas Gatherings from the past…some years I have no pics for whatever reason or I just can’t find them.

2004 Gab, Brenda, Cindy, Erika, Jessica and myself…2004 at Cindy’s apartment. Ronnie & Alyssa were the only kids
In 2005 we couldn’t line up our schedules so we had a X-mas Dinner at Brenda’s work. Honolulu Harry’s in Riverside.	In 2008, Erika and Chuck threw us a curve ball…they had a surprise wedding on Dec. 20th…so no party was needed…we had her wedding reception at Chucks parents house!
In 2009 we came to my house and enjoyed dinner, presents and each others company!	Now in 2010 our families are growing and some of us still have some multiplying to doÜ Chuck was working so we weren’t 100% complete..maybe next year!?!

Thank you girls…I can’t wait to continue to watch our families and pictures grow!

Tools & Turkey

November seems to be the Souza’s Month of Home Improvement!!! Last November we woke up one morning to find mushrooms growing through the carpet in our bathroom. Which led to us ripping the bathroom floor out and having to put tile in (before our friends from Ireland arrived)

Talk about disaster!

THIS November, we decided we needed to rip all our carpet out downstairs to put in laminate floors. Our lovely little (bastard) Yorkie dogs, Ando and Clare, have been giving us a run for our money since having Owen. I think our “first born” Ando is having some jealousy issues which have led to him marking our house.  We started noticing it a few months ago, tried using a diffusor to minimize his stress (which did NOT work, Sorry Holly) and when I was on chemo I felt like the house always smelt like pee. I was so embarrassed to have people over and we’d be “those people” with the stinky house. So we decided to put ourselves further into debt and get laminate floors!

Yosh has slaved over the floors the whole month and has done an AWESOME. He did most of it by himself but had some help from his friends Joel Manley, Kris Gerke and Michael Patterson. Good Job Babe! He’s actually finishing up the “quarter round” and “t- molding” as I type (which he better not wake up my child!!)

So all the flooring work aside, Turkey day arrived…our family does the Thanksgiving dinner at usual dinner time. All morning while Yosh was finishing up laying the floors, Owen and I got some playing time in and I thought about Thanksgiving last year.

In 2009, my friends from Ireland were here, Catherine and John…we had our turkey dinner the Tuesday before Thanksgiving since I had treatment #7 the day before.  Obviously in Ireland they don’t celebrate Thanksgiving so the two Irish Micks were thrilled to be getting an extra turkey dinner that year.  On actual Thanksgiving day we watched football all day and went to the beach for sunset…it was beautiful.

…and on to 2010…

We didn’t have any international visitors this year, but the thought of turkey, mashed potatoes, potato salad, strawberry spinach salad…ohhh I couldn’t wait this year. Cancer robbed me of enjoying all turkey last year, so I was pumped about it this year!!! We spent the day with our usual family at my parents house…Mom and Dad, Marilyn and Al, Sister Teresa, Catherine and us. It was a beautiful, yet windy day, and my poor mom was feeling under the weather so I couldn’t help but feel so bad for her !!	Sick or not she still cooked an awesome turkey

 

My favorite dudes last year…	…and again this year!

Another wonderful Thanksgiving…I’m so very thankful for so many things. My health, my family and my wonderful Owen!  Good Night! 

ps. Also saw Dr. Chan this month for my 9 month cancer-check. Everything is awesome…and I’ll see him again in February for my 1 year check! yay!

“To my Grown Son”…but he’s not really grown yet! Thank God!

 

My hands were busy through the day.

I didn’t have much time to play

The little games you ask me to.

I didn’t have much time for you.

I’d wash your clothes, I’d sew and cook,

But when you’d bring your picture book

And ask me please to share your fun,

I’d say: “A little later, son.”

I’d tuck you in all safe at night

And hear your prayers, turn out the light,

Then tiptoe softly to the door….

I wish I’d stayed a minute more.

For life is short, the years rush past…

A little boy grows up too fast.

No longer is he at your side,

His precious secrets to confide.

The picture books are put away,

No good-night kiss, no prayers to hear…

That all belongs to yesteryear.

My hands, once busy, no are still.

The days are long and hard to fill

I wish I could go back and do

The little things you asked me to.

-Author Unknown

Mom gave me this poem that was in a newspaper article and was given to her by my Aunt Kim Gallagher back in 1979 (the year Paul was born).  Not sure how Mom felt when reading it back then but I’m sure she reads it and feels differently now.  Reading it makes me sad because I’m sure there are so many mothers out there that feel this way once their children are grown.  I don’t want Owen to ever grow up…well at least not for a long time!!

 

Reminds me that its ok if my house isn’t immaculate, if the laundry isn’t put away, the house isn’t vacuumed…because getting to spend all my time with my little man isn’t going to last forever and I want to enjoy EVERY second I can! I now understand when my  Mom told me that the love you have for your child, your first born, is indescribable! I have trouble putting my love for Owen into words…because its beyond words, he is just MY Owen! <3

Halloween 2010

Another Halloween has come and gone…seems like our lives are just flying by us these days. We kinda started a tradition for Halloween with our wonderful friends. They live in a gated community off Green River and the 91 fwy…last year Owen was a little Irish rugby player…He wasn’t too sure about all the camera flashes…and gosh seemed like such a baby!

 

I felt like crap last Halloween…it was warmish out AND on top of my hot flashes I was dieing with a Chemo Hangover, BUT put on a happy face and braved the trick-or-treating fun! haha

THIS year was sooooooooo so so so much more fun!!!

Started the day off trying to get a pic of Addi and Owen…yeah didn’t happen. This was the best we got. (I took their suckers and they followed me!)

The Cilderman’s had us all over their house during the late afternoon for fun and pumpkin carving.

All that joined the fun were…The Cilderman’s, The WHOLE Harp Family, The Hudson’s, The Manley’s, The Gile’s, The Rowe’s and us. Talk about lots of people but even MORE kids! Its awesome that Owen has so many friends close to his age! We ate and played until it got dark. Then tried to get some pictures of the kids…HAHAHA MY child of course didn’t want anything to do with it…haha Yosh tried to hold him in the picture BUT that didn’t work out very well.

Owen, Ryland, Tate, Payton, Jaxon (Mickey), Addison, Memphis, Charlie (Thing 1), Austin & Phoenix (Thing 2)

Actually…I think my child threw a fit last year when taking the kids group picture…

                                                              Ryland, Payton, Tate, Addison and Owen

Our group is growing rapidly…and with more babies on the way…so exciting!!

Thanks friends for another awesome Halloween!!

…3-4 inches?

I’ve had one of those days….October 28th was a significant day for me in 2009. It was the day that I finally decided to end the anxiety of my hair falling out during chemotherapy.

October 28, 2009, I had just had treatment #5…

I had some MAJOR trouble even swallowing my pre-meds at this point, I was terrified to puck during treatment. So Mom and Dad were my “chemo-buddies” (aka driver/breakfast buddy) for the day, while Yosh stayed home w/ Owen.

Dad	and Mom!

 

My hair was thinning like crazy and I was shocked at how much anxiety just the thought of my hair actually being gone was causing me. Even with my 2 “transition” hair cuts (which the second cut is pictured above and I absolutely HATED it)…I was still scared to actually “LOOK” sick.  But when I got home from Kaiser that day had a nice nap, and decided it was THE day to do this…so Yosh and I had some fun with his clippers!

I visited “Cutz by Yoshi” LOL	I see Paul in myself in this picture! When he used to have the “step” hair cut in 8th grade!
	Hot…I know! haha
All that hair	The finished products…we kinda look like bald Owen then!

 

Talk about being a SUPER SUPPORTER…Yosh decided to let me shave his head after he was finished playing barber shop with mine. It was a pretty emotional time. Just brought me back to the night that I shaved my mothers head…5 years prior.

I couldn’t find a pic of me shaving Mom’s head…but this is my Mother Oct. 2004, 5 weeks into chemotherapy! This is one of my favorite pictures of my parents!

After looking in the mirror and thinking I could either be G.I. Jane or Uncle Fester from Adams Family for Halloween, I remember thinking…”this isn’t that bad”….that feeling didn’t last long.  Owen (was 6.5 months old at the time) was asleep in his crib while we were getting rid of my hair. He woke up and I ran up to get him and put him back to sleep. Then he saw me and started screaming…he had NO idea who I was. So, of course I started to cry, rock him and tell him that it was Mama and everything was ok. He eventually looked at me…touched my eyelash (yes they were barely hangin on at this point)…and he seemed ok. He never had an issue with his Mama being bald again.

And now…1 year later…I have about 3-4 inches of CURLY dark hair!! Appreciative for what I have BUT taking LOTS of time to get used to it.

Yay to having hair again!	Look…I can even tie my “”bangs” back! heehee