Papa

On Thanksgiving, Mya (My mother-in-law, Marilyn) told us that Papa wasn’t doing well…but we weren’t too concerned because he had been in the hospital since August…and hadn’t been home…or anywhere near ready to go home. He was in the ICU at Redlands Community, then the ICU at Kindred Hospital, then to a nursing home in Redlands, then back and forth from Redlands Community and the nursing home.

The past year Papa’s Parkinson's had really started progressing.  His muscles just weren’t able to stay strong, his mind would wander and he just wasn’t able to bounce back after minor illnesses like he used to.  Parkinson's is a horrible disease.  Papa didn’t have the shakes like most people envision when they think Parkinson’s. His mind was going and his muscles were just wasting away…which caused even sitting up straight, standing up straight to be tasks. 

Anyway…Our Papa was in a bad way. He was at Redlands Community with a pretty severe infection, and the doctors couldn’t pinpoint WHERE the actual infection was. He wasn’t very coherent and the doc had explained the chances of Papa bouncing back weren’t likely. So we decided to put him on palliative care…and the doctor said we probably had 1-3 days before he passed.  We got 9 hours.

I left the kids with my mom, as his infection was to severe for kids under 13 to be allowed into his room.  Which was ok…the kids saw Papa on his birthday at the end of October and his condition hadn’t changed much so goodbyes were better from home.

I stayed a few hours…I find it very hard to watch someone struggle. Someone’s body starting to shut down…but hanging on. It was like watching him sleep..snoring (from the damage of the 3 weeks of intubation).  We went home around 5pm…Yosh thinking he’d go back first thing in the morning to be with Papa again but we got the call around 10:15pm. Al had passed away…peacefully. 

Hearing he had passed away was weird. We were very sad…yet relieved.  He was struggling to live the past few weeks and it wasn’t fun to watch.  I was so sad…for Yosh. He’s too young to not have a dad!  I was SO sad for my kids…Owen will never play a game of chess with him again, Ella won’t have many memories of him at all and Maggie definitely won’t have anything other than the pictures, this blog and the stories we tell her.  They will never see just how much he absolutely ADORED them.  He was so crazy about his grandkids it was nuts.  

Al was SUCH an amazing man.  From the very first time I met him in December 2002…he was always so nice to me. Hence…one morning after spending the night at Yosh’s parents house I was walking out to my car to get to practice and Al was in the middle of his newspaper and coffee…he went and got me a house key made and told me “this key is for you…you are always welcome to stay here, just lock the door when you leave!” haha Yes I did the walk of shame in front of my future father-in-law!! haha But he made me feel SO welcomed…seriously. He bought me presents with he didn’t have to.He loved me like family from the early days…and thats kinda how I knew that I was going marry Yosh. Everything just fit perfectly!

During our family river trips he wouldn’t take his eyes off the little ones…

Al wouldn’t miss one of Yosh’s polo games…whether he was playing or coaching. Before Yosh and I were married even we started blending our families at holidays and things were always so easy!

2006 was a great year…Yosh got his masters degree and we got married….

2007 we continued our yearly family river trips when Missy and Chris would come visit on vacation. I’m so glad we took those trips every year.

In 2008 we started hosting holidays at our townhouse…just the 6 of us. My in-laws, my parents and us.  And Al was given his first grand-fur-babies…Ando and Clare.  Al fell in love with our dogs so much after living with them, yes we lived back in their house for about 5 months while looking to purchase a home. He would let Clare each off the kitchen table. He would hold those dogs ALL day! When we moved out he got himself a doggie…Lady Lisbon.

And in 2009 we gave him his 3rd real grandbaby.  Al was the grandpa that was ON the floor with the kids. Literally. He was always holding them as babies and following them around as toddlers. Making sure they didn’t bump or fall down.

Even at my post-chemo party they were there…and stayed until the last person left!  During my treatment we had Carin’ For Erin bracelets made. Al wore his…everyday…from 2009 until August 2016.  He was one of my biggest supporters! And when I’d see him and his purple bracelet years and years later he said he had to keep it on…because I was healthy!

Bailey and Peyton are the other 2 grandkids…they call Al ‘Grandpa’. And we called Al that as well…and Owen decided at a very young age to call him Papa. Just don’t think he could pronounce Grandpa. So thats what my kids call him. My FAVORITE pictures of Al and Owen are these ones…

Owen loved Papa…and so did Ando.

Summer fun with the VanSoests in 2011

Fathers Day 2011…Owen was SO proud of the shirts he made for Daddy and Papa.

Another fun family river trip!

He ADORED my son. It wasn’t hard to get pictures of them two together.

And now…as I look through these pictures I see how Papa started declining in 2012…didn’t notice it much then BUT I see it now.  Didn’t start happening until the middle of the year…because he seemed just fine at Easter that year…but after that you can just see it in his face.

One of my favorite sites…watching these two bond over a fake game of chess

2013 was when we were told about Al’s Parkinson’s diagnosis. Not much was changing…just little things. Like he wasn’t always IN the pool with the kids or fully on the ground. But he was still same ol’ Al around. We weren’t really worried about Parkinson’s.  And we added Ella to the mix…life was getting more interesting. But this was our last family river trip.  The drive down was getting to hard, and the hot days on the boat were also getting to hard.

Three generations just strollin’ around Idyllwild Ct.

2014 is the year that Yosh’s sister moved back to California after living in New York for 12 years. It was cool having more family around.

 

2015 was the year that Al’s health started to decline noticeably.. Hospital visits started for all different things. And by the end of the year traveling even short distances were getting more and more difficult for them. We were spending more and more time in Redlands with them.

June 2015 was Papa and Mya’s 50th wedding anniversary.

This is the one and only full family picture we have. Thanksgiving 2015. Missy brought the turkey to Al…so he didn’t have to leave his house for the day!

Early 2016 was when Papa told me he was going to start calling the kids by their full names…because he knew he wasn’t always going to remember. He knew what his future had in store for him and it was sad to hear him talk about it. Thank God for my husband…Mr. Jokester…he never let Al get down. Always would start making jokes about balls or Marilyn or God only knows what. Wouldn’t take long to have Al laughing again.

2016 I’m seeing my Papa pictures and it brings tears to my eyes. Makes me sad to see his body get weaker and weaker. He never complained. He would bitch about his body not listening to his brain…or his brain forgetting what he wanted to say…normal frustrations. But he kept truckin’ on.

The last pictures I have of Papa standing were for Fathers Day in 2016…the rest of the pictures I have of Papa are pictures I’ll never post. Pictures I don’t want my kids to remember of him. While he was in the hospital trying to get strong enough to come home.

He passed away on November 26th at 10pm. I’m glad I’ve taken so many dumb pictures over the years…I love looking through them now..to see Papa. To show the kids when they are old enough to understand when we tell them about how awesome of a grandpa he was!

Planning his funeral was pretty easy. He was a simple man. Didn’t like the fluff.  He had his plot already picked and paid for. We just needed to pick the extra’s. The day of Al’s funeral, December 8th…I was so happy to see how many of Yosh’s friends came out to support him. Our friends are our family…and it was beautiful to see.  Yosh has lost grandparents years ago…but this is the closest person to him to pass away. His emotions were all over the place. He would be fine one minute and a mess the next. My heart broke.

Al was a 20 year veteran of the United States Air Force…so Montecito Mortuary made sure to get military honors done for him. And it gave me the chills. The flag folding, the gun shots. Ugh.

The Pallbearers were: Yosh, Michael, Bailey, Chris and Michael’s bestie BJ.  Owen was an honorary pallbearer who led the casket. He took his job very serious. He made me proud that day.

I was shocked at how well my kids behaved during the funeral. Ella didn’t move a muscle the whole time. I’m not sure if it was because she was terrified of the idea of papa being in the box OR that she was sitting next to my dad…who doesn’t play! haha Either way she kept very quiet and behaved very well.  Maggie did pretty well too. Kept giving her snacks and she stayed pleasant.

After the services we went back to Yosh’s parents house.  Missy had thought of every little detail. She had all of her dad’s favorite stuff. Snickers, Cheez-It’s. Orange hostess cupcakes. Very thoughtful.

The kids weren’t in to the orange cupcakes…and Maggie couldn’t keep her eyes off Papa’s poor Lady-Dog.

This whole situation has brought many conversations to light in our house.  Good conversations.  Like…do we want to be left on life support?  Donating organs? Where do we want to be buried? What kind of funeral do we want to have? Things we need to start thinking about now…even though we don’t want to.
We have a good few friends who have lost fathers this year…so weird to be losing so many men. But some of them are tragic and some weren’t. We have thought…was it easier getting our chance to say our goodbyes or does watching your loved one suffer make it harder. Is it harder to have to make the decision to take all machines off? Or is it harder to just get a phone call and they dropped dead? I don’t know. Both are rough.

A few nights after the funeral we brought out those voice-read books. When Owen was younger we had every grandparent do one of those books…all christmas books and so the kids have their voice reading to them.  We did Papa’s. Having his voice read us Frosty the Snowman was beautiful but gosh we miss that voice in real life. Sometimes life isn’t nice but thats just the way things are sometimes huh?!?

We miss our Papa very very much!! But…until we meet again!