Christmas is so bittersweet in this house. I love love love Christmas! It makes me so happy and warm inside. Love decorating, love the cold weather, love the tree picking and setting up argument, just love it all. BUT at the same time Christmas time makes me so sad too! It’s that time of year that we all reflect back on our own childhoods. And it makes me sad…I miss those days. I miss my brother. I miss my Gallagher family of four, miss what our family holidays COULD have been if things had been different!
But I just remind myself, buck up Erin, I can’t change the past…so I must cherish my present and enjoy what our future holds! And this was our Ella’s First Christmas…10.5 months old…we would enjoy every minute of our day!
But to make my whimpy feelings even worse, I started looking back at Owen’s firsts Christmas photos. I remember the excitement of it being Owen’s first Christmas! Hell, he has like 3 or 4 “Baby’s First Christmas” ornaments on the tree to prove just HOW excited the whole family was (Ella got ONE “Babys First Xmas” ornament…thankfully Nana didn’t forget her special ornament) But I get sad looking back at those pictures… Gosh life was SERIOUSLY tough…and I’m thankful that Owen won’t remember that time! 
I had just had my 9th chemo treatment on the 23rd and was heading into the chemo-hangover phase on Christmas Day. I remember feeling so crappy that I didn’t even wear a bandana on my head (which didn’t happen very often in the presence of company!) 
Christmas Day was spent faking the smile and watching Owen, at 8 months old, open presents and get very spoiled from all his grandparents! Thankfully THEY were there for him that special day. I feel guilty not remembering the day very well. I was just so sick. As I look back I can remember the feeling, the nasty taste in my mouth from all the anti-nausea medication, my hot flashes, even with no hair, I was sweating! I was so uncomfortable in my own skin. Sad that I remember all that yuckiness about ME and not the funny reactions Owen had to Elmo, or his laughs, giggles, what he ate? Sad right?!?!
But these pictures made me smile. Back then we had a great friend offer to take some family pics for us. I’m SO grateful we did it….Here is my gorgeous boy at 8 months…December 2009. Thank you to JPhotography!
And then this year…Ella’s first Christmas…Owen’s 5th Christmas. Gosh time is flying by!! I can’t believe I now live the life I only imagined as a young woman. The life of waking up with TWO kids, presents under the tree, being THOSE parents faking the “OH WOW” comments, and watching the pure delight on your child’s face! Its nuts…gosh its so awesome and keeps getting better year after year!!
Owen was up at 7am…we told him he had to wait until his clock said 7…and our perfect little dude did just that. 7:00am exactly he called for us!! Took us about an hour and all the presents were opened. Everyone was happy. We have the family come to us for dinner, so we just carried on our day as usual…with meals and naps. But Owen was so excited for his grandparents to come over (for more presents of course!) we decided to skip his nap and let him play with all his new toys!
We changed up our Christmas Dinner menu this year…I was over the turkey, mashed potatoes, etc. felt a bit like Ground Hogs Day. So we did Honey Baked Ham, fried chicken, potato salads (yes 2 different kinds), mashed potatoes (for those that didn’t like our change), green salad and corn on the cob! Yeah it was DELICIOUS! We spent our day opening more presents and just relaxing. It was beautiful!
Yes that is my father giving my baby girl a bottle. I didn’t ask him to do it (I would never since I don’t think he ever even gave me a bottle as baby haha)…but as I was making it he said “here I’ll feed her”. My heart almost jumped out of my chest…and trying to NOT make it a big deal I snuck in a picture.
Love this…a lot!
A day together is always nice. But its even nicer when we get to skype with our family across the country too!!
So it was an absolutely amazing Christmas. The sadness is overshadowed by the bright little lights within my kids…I thank God everyday for them.
The holiday season reminds us that we are blessed with family, health and receiving great news from both sides of our family is so fun too…can’t elaborate yet but will in time.
2014 will be a great year!! ((no don’t even think it…I’m NOT pregnant…just yet!))
Merry Christmas
Love, The Souza’s
No comments:
Post a Comment