34 years ago today my brother made Bernie a Mommy for the first time. Mom’s life changed forever on this beautiful day in Omaha Nebraska. Her role in this world changed. She went from being just a daughter, to a sister (she is the oldest of 4), to a wife, THEN a Mother. I now know these feelings; the emotions involved of having your first baby, a son, the love of your life, center of your universe.
Today my brother would have been 34 years old.
Yes its another sad day around here…I told you this time of year is tough. His anniversary is at the end of March then his birthday 26 days later. Paul passed away 26 days shy of his 21st birthday in 2000. Its sad to think that Paul never got to celebrate his own 21st…that’s a fun one….and he never got to experience it. Don’t get me wrong…he did his share of partying BUT it’s a different party when your “allowed” to be doing it right?!?
It’s a shitty time for everyone but my heart hurts extra for Mom today. The mother in me finds it so hard to comprehend how she gets through days like this! I can’t even pretend to imagine my life without Owen…I don’t want to imagine…my poor mom! I just think how much I understand her feelings for him now as I’m older. I knew Paul was her favorite BUT I get it now…no hard feelings Bernie! hah
When Paul was born my dad was deployed for 18 months to Turkey…leaving Mom in the states alone with a new baby! Mom and Paul bonded…only having each other and obviously they became extremely close! And I feel that way with Owen…4 months after Owen was born I got sick…and we spent day and night together…daddy would be at work all day, sleep at night and Owen and I became buds. I feel that Owen and I have a special bond…and always will!
But the day you have your first born is something all mothers will NEVER forget. You remember every detail of your labor, delivery and then seeing your baby for the first time. The overwhelming sensation of love that you NEVER knew even existed the very second you hold your baby for the first time.
First time I held Owen in the recovery room!
It’s a weird day in a Mothers life, your child's day of birth…I think back to the day I became a Mother…it’s a mix of emotions; immense happiness, anxiety about change, physical pain, HORMONES! and a little bit of sadness for whatever odd reason, I have no clue. A birthday should be a happy day…right?!?
I have no clue why birthdays are sad…I get teary eyed every year singing Owen Happy Birthday…Yosh doesn’t understand why it makes me sad. I think it might be a Mom thing…we are already naturally a bit more emotional then the daddies (not always…but usually!) And heck I get sad…don’t judge…and my poor Mom has to be sad on her son’s birthdays for a different reason now! I hate it.
And I’m sure Daddies have different feelings about the day their baby boys were born…. 
Wish I could have been a fly on the wall to see my Dad when Paul arrived in 1979!
But anyway Happy Birthday Paul…hope you are having yourself a little celebration up there!! We surely miss you down here!! I’m having a Mexican Pizza from Taco Bell for ya tonight!
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