50/50

So I watched the movie “50/50”….and its funny because everyone wanted to know what I thought about it…what does the cancer survivor think of the movie about cancer??

**The overall premise of the movie, in case some of you don’t know…basically a guy that does everything right (ie, won’t cross the street until the green man lights up), is kinda a scary cat (doesn’t get his license since motor vehicle accidents are in the top 5 ways to die) is diagnosed with a rare form of spinal cancer. And the movie is all about his journey.**

Well I’ll tell you how it made ME feel….it scared the Sh*t out of me! It made me think that my cancer was seriously a cake walk…I wasn’t ever told there were no other options if my cancer didn’t respond to the chemo (Thankfully because I would have LOST it if they ever had to tell me that!)…My doctor told me that I’d have another form of stronger chemo, a stem-cell transplant…there would be more to do, if it didn’t respond well to the chemo! I never got the point where was nothing left. And thinking about being told that was freaky! I don’t know what I’d think about if I was told that. The fear that would go through your body…would it be worse than the fear I felt go through my body when I got the news?!? I guess each diagnosis is the same…within the perspective of each persons life and situation. The fear is the same, the unknown is the same, the questioning is the same.
The character in the movie was so lonely…which I think is definitely real…even people with huge families or support systems like I had…you still have those moments of pure loneliness & depression! I had a great system…a great caretaker in my husband who was there for me the whole time. He told me how beautiful I was, even when I was bald…and not so cute!

All the scenes in the chemo suite…made me feel nauseous. Brought me back to this place…

I could taste the chemo in my mouth…Sense the fear of puking as they pushing the drugs…I could feel the cold fluids flushing through my port into my veins, making my whole body chill. When I saw the fluids drip on the TV…it made me sick, weak and as if I was the one there getting the chemo. I didn’t like the way it made me feel. I even told the hubs it was messing with my head…having to get up and get some water!

The movie was real in the fact of the emotions that go along with battling cancer. Whatever type you have, the road is very similar for us all. Death becomes something that isn’t so far fetched, but possibly a reality, which in turn changes you as a person forever.

This movie made me cry, laugh, thank God my cancer wasn’t as bad and pray that it never comes back…cancer…any type….I don’t want it EVER AGAIN!

Never again do I want to get Neupogen shots in my stomach to help my white blood cells grow…eff this!!!

Park Time

It seems like Owen and I have been spending more and more evenings alone lately…but girls water polo season is coming to an end…with just CIF left to go and  I’m happy to say Thank God its almost done! I love my Owen time BUT I’m sad when Owen asks me EVERY day where Daddy is…and I always have to say Coaching.  These past few weeks I’ve lived the “single mom” life…having to bring Owen EVERYWHERE by myself. Physical Therapy appts, Doctor appts, grocery shopping, everywhere. Which I don’t mind, but sometimes I feel bad lugging him around everywhere and all he’s begging is for me to bring him home to play with his own toys!

Today since it was 82 degrees in February I couldn’t NOT bring Owen to the park after picking him up at Marthas. Which btw I have some pics of Owen at his daycare…

Martha posted these on fb for all us Mommies to see…I just LOVE seeing my lil man sooo happy while he’s there!! Super cute!

Harada Park…

My “baby” was such a “big boy” today at the park…he didn’t make me follow him around (as much). He got up on the big kid playground without any help and just did his own thing. I was the idiot mom standing around…following him like a lil puppy…just in case he needed his mommy! haha Guess I’ll have to start letting go right?!? haha Guess its time to turn into one of those moms that just sits on the benches and doesn’t watch their child…YEAH RIGHT. haha I hate those moms…b/c their kids are the bad ones bumping into the little kids, running backwards up slides…grrrr haha

But todays trip to the park was kinda sad as well…I got a little emotional watching Owen….he was so fascinated with the skatepark!
Why would this make me sad…well it just made me think of how much he would have made his Uncle Paul so proud. Owen just LOVES watching all the kids skateboard!  I couldn’t keep him away from the gates…he was mesmerized by all the activity goin’ on in there….Paul would have loved to be the one to have shown Owen how to get on a board! I just imagined what it would have been like to get to go to Harada park one day with Uncle Paul and Owen…in his little helmet…and Paul being there to hold his hands….

Then it was like Paul was there…INSIDE Owen!! I look over at him and he starts running down the grass hill and throwing himself on the floor…then looking at me and laughing. Paul used to do that!! Paul always wanted to be a stuntman…and would always be falling around the place for the entertainment of others…and watching Owen do that just made me laugh out loud! Paul is present…even IN Owen! And I love seeing that my brother is around us…

Its odd how sometimes the most common, random things can bring on such sadness!! There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about my brother…and not a day that goes by that I still get a bit angry that Owen doesn’t get the chance to meet him…but someday I’ll get to tell Owen all about his Uncle Paul. Someday when I know Owen will understand…and he happy that sometimes he reminds me so much of him!!

Pinterest Craft Night

So February is finally here and things are falling into place. I’m not going to talk about February 3rd and what this day means to me until after my oncology appt on February 17th. So stayed tuned on that.

BUT February 4th was a fun day as well! Nails and Waba Grill with Mother in the morning…then a pinterest craft night in the evening. Oh so fun!
I attended a pinterest craft party at Heathers back in December where we made a yard letter thing (which is displayed in my front living room as I type!) and you can read about that evening here.  Last night I attended another pinterest craft party…and it was fun!!  This time I didn’t cheat either…I actually made a snack FROM pinterest…Pizza Roll-Ups…and they were Y-U-M-M-Y!

 

 

You get Pillsbury Crescent rolls, Pepperoni and Mozzarella string cheese, Garlic Powder, Pizza Sauce (and some Ranch of course!)

 

 

 

Then you unroll the crescants and put 4-5 pepperoni’s and half a piece of string cheese. I went ahead and halfed the half…that way there would be no problem melting!

Then you ROLL it up just like you’d do it for a roll, and sprinkle with garlic powder…

Stick it in the over on 375 for 13-15 minutes (or until golden brown) and serve with warmed pizza sauce and/or Ranch! And you have a delicious pizza roll-up!  As you can see…I made 2 of them to test before bringing over to the party…and before I could get my camera out the hubs had them already almost ALL of them eaten! They were so good (I admit I DID get to taste some too!)

I TOTALLY recommend these…they are kid friendly, super easy and oh so good!! And if I can do them…you KNOW they are easy **being that I BURNED pasta earlier this week…seriously!**

See….proof that I SUCK in the kitchen…pasta is supposed to be the EASIEST thing…yeah right! haha.

So VERY satisfied with my pinterest dish…we headed up to my friend Erin G’s.

Lots of food, Booze and Crafts…what a fun night! haha Oh how times have changed…getting old brings new happiness into my life! haha But my  My favorite dish (other than my own of course) were these…

I love these…totally cute and oh so personal! Kiss double-Dippers goodbye…here is the solution!
Thanks Chris F for these yummy 7 layer dippers!

 

 

 

The Craft was meant to be a heart hangy thingy for Valentines Day. Erin supplied a bunch of painted hearts AND she thought she’d get egg shaped wood for anyone wanting to do an Easter thing as well. So it was a fun night of getting to do LOTS of crafts! 

 

 

 

 

 

Lisa and Erin manned the Cricut…which was nice to have letters cut perfectly to fit our wood!!! I would have NEVER thought about using a Cricut for this..DUH.  And I finally got to play with this Modge Podge stuff that EVERYONE and their mom talks about on Pinterest. Its just like glue…but worked pretty cool!!!!

 

 

I was so jealous…all the other ladies had daughters and could make cute glittery decorations…and I couldn’t glitter a boyish one!! haha So I (I mean OWEN) made Nana a Birthday present (just so I could use the glitter!)

I made a mix of Home Décor (for my kitchen!)…an Easter Decoration AND a bday/valentines gift!! haha Glad Erin G had LOTS of hearts for us to use!!!

Overall it was another really successful Pinterest Craft night. I’m gonna have to seriously start looking into a craft we can do when I host one of these parties!!!  Thanks Erin for a fun night! Sorry if we stayed too long, broke your ribbon rack AND got glitter EVERYWHERE! But on the bright side…Walmart in South Corona DOES have a McDonalds inside AND Taryn did NOT get a ticket making an illegal u-turn (your cops up there might not be the smartest!) haha

So Over January!

While looking through old pictures…trying to get myself motivated to start working on our 2011 photo book (yes I said 2011…and its freakin’ 2012…I’m so angry with myself…I TOLD myself LAST year that I’d stay on top of it and not do it all at the end of the year…I’d work on it month by month annnnnd THAT obviously didn’t happen…so now I have the whole darn year to do! grrrrr).  Anyway…I was noticing that January is such a blah month. For whatever reason we don’t seem to have much going on (which is rare), it seems that I don’t take a lot of pictures during this month (which at least makes for an easier time photo-booking! haha)…Yosh is super busy with girls water polo season therefore Owen and I spend a lot of evenings by ourselves…and its just an “eh” month.  Maybe its because of the post-holiday blues…we’re all depressed that the excitement is over and we’re back to our regularly scheduled programs…I don’t really know.  But I can say for myself…so far in 2012 I feel like I’m constantly on the go…between doctor appts, school meetings, my masters homework…its just go go go. AND I recently helped plan my best friends baby shower (which in fact had THIS girl busy busy getting’ my Circut on!)
See below for some of my cirut creations (Thanks to the circuit, pinterest and my friend Cindy, we were able to make Erika’s baseball themed shower come true! )! haha…

It was all done for my girl, Erika…her first baby arrives in April and shes living so far away we all wanted to make her day special! We can’t wait to meet Baby Charlie!!  Her words “I’ve been to and thrown enough showers for you girls…now its her turn!” haha And we all knew we TOTALLY owed her a good one…shes been through the ringer when it comes to other people’s babies!

Also, since November, we have been in a co-ed fantasy football league, The Ball And Chain League…it was originally set up so that husbands and wives could face off (the men really just wanted the women to feel “involved” so they would feel justified watching football ALL day EVERY Sunday!)…but it ended up being a lot of fun. Once us ladies figured out all the “hidden” rules about trading, by-weeks, etc it was fun! I swear the boys cheated (aheemm Joel!) BUT most Sundays the boys would get together and the odd time us ladies tagged along too. On our nice Southern California Sundays we’d play outside…and I loved watching…

Owen and Addi pretty much always had their own game going while the “big kids” (Joel, John, Kris, Yosh, Caroline and Addison) played a real game around them! haha

But back to January…work is busier than usual  because after Christmas break it’s a new semester I’ve had to get my Online Health class re-organized, I get a brand new set of kids and we recently started using a brand new website…so that’s been time consuming to figure out. Along with that group of new kids I also got 42 new bodies in my in-class Health period as well…so I’ve been trying to re-evaluate what worked and what didn’t last semester.
AND on top of all that, I want to be back to Zumba’ing…I’m SERIOUSLY OVER this foot injury. I’m currently going to physical therapy every 2 weeks…until I get the results of the MRI on Feb. 7th…which I have NO idea what those results will say?!?!? So frustrating. I recently actually went back to Zumba (against doctors orders)…to hope to find the inner joy that it brings but its just not doin’ it for me…the frustration is annoying. I want to hop, jump, pivot, wiggle, bend, etc. but my left foot just won’t do it..so I go through the motions…I’m basically doing ZumbaGold  (which is the low impact, old people zumba) not getting the work out that everyone else is and I’m a bit jealous! haha I know…sad that I’m JEALOUS about working out. I continue to remind myself that I’ll be back…in time I’ll be able to get my Zumba on…and Holly Crane I’m DEF trying your Thursday night routine, I can’t wait! So for now I take it easy…don’t want to ruffle the feathers…let my foot fully heal so I don’t screw myself in the long run!

The upcoming months are hopefully going to be filled with exciting things…my foot healing (fingers crossed), finishing school (FOREVER), GOOD oncology appts, turning the big 3-0…just so much. And the only way that seems appealing is to celebrate by doing something we won’t ever get a chance to do again…and that’s to go on an Eastern Caribbean cruise…minus Owen. Sad I know to leave the little dude but I was thinking, like REALLY thinking about leaving him for a week…its going to be hard!! Can I do it?? My Mom is amazing and is going to take him for us, getting time off work so she can pick him up at his regular time but still…a whole week…there will probably be tears. But we’ll cross that bridge when we get there!! Still got to book the darn thang!

January is coming to an end…bring on February…I’m ready!