MY HAIR!

This time 3 years ago I would laugh at the idea of having “long” hair again. I felt it was almost impossible…and I remember people asking me “are you going to grow your hair long again?” and I’d give an excuse about how I was probably going to keep the “mom hair” short….all because deep down I didn’t want to be let down if it didn’t grow or calm the heck down with that curly-q!

3 year ago my hair was short, dark and SOOO curly!! It was depressing and so weird to me….considering that before I lost my hair during my battle with Hodgkins Lymphoma I was kinda like Rapunzel ! haha See….

   
((These were from my “badluck” 25th birthday in 2007. It landed on Friday the 13th…I got a speeding ticket on the way to Laughlin. The weather was so bad we couldn’t take the boat out on the lake. Everyone got food poisoning. AND to top it off…my birthday present “Hiro” my first Yorkie, died from a genetic disorder weeks after we got him. HORRIBLE…I know!))

Anyway…I lost my hair from chemo…duh…yeah totally attractive right?…
Eccccck I know…the no eyebrow, no eyelash look is HOTTNESS! haha But I have to say..having no arm, leg, facial hair was FREAKING awesome. Those that know me, know I’m like an albino gorilla…furry as shit…so having no body hair was radical! 

And since it has grown back I have struggled to get adjusted! I keep telling myself…I have a “whole lotta ugly to get through before I’m back to “normal”. I know, I know its “just hair” when it comes down to your life and health and everything BUT damn….its your HAIR!!! Mine came back a different color AND consistency.
 

So I struggled…a lot! Using product, trimming/taming the curl, using bobby pins to sweep my bangs out of my face…it growing back ALL different lengths…letting all the chemo-burned bits grow out. Ugh frustrating. It actually came back a gray/ash color. It was so weird. But…I just kept looking forward to having “my” hair back…hoping that it would come back someday.

And then today I found my pony tail….my “old” hair. The hair of ME when life was so different.  Back in August 2009…when I knew what battle I had ahead of me, I was scared of everything. I was scared of all the testing I had to do, scared to stop breast feeding my 4month old baby, scared of chemotherapy, surgeries AND of losing this battle with cancer. I decided to take SOMEThiNG into my own hands…needed control of one thing in my life since everything was spinning OUT of control.

I chopped my hair off…kept the pony…tucked it away…and I Found it today!

Its a little curled from being a freezer ziplock baggy for 4 years…BUT I think my hair is finally “back to normal”, in length anyway.  Yes its still darker, a bit more curly than it was pre-cancer…BUT its ME.  I seriously never thought I’d have longish hair again. It seemed toooo far in the distance future to be real…but it is REAL!  Now I look at myself in pictures with blonde hair and think its a tad weird to see. I’m officially a brunette…and am finally ok with that.

ps. My current hair is the pony on the left! ;)