A Day of Celebrations

Its weird having to wait to get in to see my oncologist…I guess that happens when I’m no longer on the “VIP” list (aka chemo patient) at Kaiser! haha When I made the usual 3 month appt to see Dr. Chan, I was so excited since it was “THE YEAR” check-up. I tried making it for the actual year anniversary (Feb. 3rd) BUT his only open appt in February was for the 18th at 9:30am. Made me think…gosh he must be so packed busy, and that’s NOT a good thing in the fight against cancer! More diagnosis, more patients, more appts means that that darn cure is still out there and we haven’t found it! I mean I don’t want to leave my lovely Dr. Chan without a job but I want a world without cancer!!!!

Anyway…9:30am during a weekday doesn’t work very well for a person with a job BUT since it just so happened to land on Mom’s birthday, I thought a day off won’t kill anyone! Owen was still set to go to Martha’s, but we went by Nana’s house first to give her her birthday presents. 

A cute flag thingy for her front yard, 2 flags that Owen picked out. One even had a humming bird (hummingbirds are our “Paul” sign) and a cute personalized jacket (Thanks *All That Bling* for your awesome bling yet again!!) Dad got mother an awesome Survivor amethyst necklace….its gorgeous (but I forgot to take a picture of it to share!)

Dropped Owen off at Martha’s for the day and headed to Kaiser. The smell walking into that hospital still makes me and Mother cringe…brings back so many yucky memories and feelings. I swear the minute I get down to the basement I get nauseous like I used to all those months ago when I was walking into the chemo-suite for a treatment…ohh bllaahhhh! I wonder how long it will be that we carry these feelings?  Anyway…all my labs and chest x-ray came back normal. No lumps or bumps anywhere…so I got the all clear and a “See ya in 3 months”! The milestone of having 1 year under my belt feels good!  But time to celebrate Mother’s birthday too…another “milestone”…heehee FIFTY-FOUR YEARS OLD!!!!

So a lunch at Ken’s Sushi in Rancho Cucamonga was in order. For all you sushi lovers…it’s a MUST to get some sushi from Ken’s Japanese. Located on Foothill just past Gilberto’s Lounge and before the old Margarita-Ville place.

See dad isn’t a sushi fan, so whenever Bernie gets a chance to eat at Ken’s we have to!! And you know me…I’ll never turn down a Cosmic Galaxy Roll…yuummmm!  Like the fatties that we are…we decided that we “HAD” to go to a restaurant that served proper desserts…so off to Chili’s we went! haha (there are no calories on Mom’s birthdays right?!?) Chocolate Chip Cookie Paradise Pie was delicious!

Our afternoon wasn’t over yet…since Mom’s new obsession is Zumba as well, she figures she “HAS” to have the Capiezo Dance Shoes for injury prevention. haha Found the Discount Dance Supply store by the Mills, mother got her shoes and THEN we headed to pick up His Lordship!

Thank you for an amazing afternoon Mom…hope you had a wonderful birthday. I love you…and I’m serious when I told you about the nursing home! Its ok if you go a bit crazy in your old age, we’ll lock you up here at our house and have a bit of fun if you’re loony…but ONLY IF I’m able to still life you for ass wiping!!! haha

Boys Only Club

I knew this day would come…and It only took 22 months for it to happen…Daddy and Owen…actually MORE Owen than Daddy, have started a Boys Only Club! haha

Daddy’s water polo season is finally over after a tough loss on Tuesday in the wild-card round of CIF playoffs against Rosary High School. So the past few evenings Yosh has actually been home when Owen and I arrive from daycare. And let me tell you Owen is loving all this Daddy-Time.  He wants Daddy to play cars ALL evening..and if Yosh walks away for just one second, Owen yells “Daddy, get back here! …Play cars!” haha Its so funny.

Our usual routine in the evenings is we eat dinner and then I go up and give Owen a bath and get him ready for bed while Daddy is awesome and does the dishes. BUT my lil dude won’t allow Mommy in the Bath-Time action the past 2 days…it’s all about Dad! Breaks my heart BUT makes me so happy to see him enjoy his Dad so much. 

You know me…had to sneak in and capture the moment!

Love is in the air…

What a wonderful Valentines day. Do you ever just sit down and think…”Gosh life is sooo good”. I had that feeling this evening as I was laying Owen down for bed and I haven’t had that feeling in a while, and man it feels so nice. I thought, I really really really love being a Mom!!! Owen makes that job so easy for me and I just adore him so much! And Yosh is the easiest man to be married to…(I mean he has his moments, but you know! haha) I’m just so lucky!!

      

Yosh, Owen and myself spent the day in Camp Snoopy at Knotts Berry Farm with our lovely lady friends Taryn and Addison Gerke (Kris had work, and Owen wanted to hang w/ his girlfriend).  Wait…let me rewind. Last night, Owen stayed at Nana and Ganga’s house while we went on a hot date to Knotts Berry Farm with the Gerke’s…I seriously felt like I was in high school again.  (we got season passes to Knotts..so there will probably be a lot of posts about that lovely place in the next 364 days!)  We all were pretty excited to get to an amusement park w/o any kids.  First ride was the “side-winder”…yeah it’s a mix between the tea-cups at D-Land and a rollercoaster….yeah just my favorite…yeah right! So went on that…was feeling ok…2 more rides and I was throwing in the flag! I get soooo motion sick its not even funny…and since becoming a mother I think its gotten worse! haha  So I did a few “walk-throughs” (meaning I waited in line with everyone and then just walked through the ride toward the exit when it was our turn).  LONG story short…yeah I got up close and personal with a few toilets last night…at Knotts AND at Outback before dinner    Doesn’t that sounds like a romantic Valentines date night?? haha

So this morning, after receiving my bouquet of flowers that Yosh sent to me…with my card that said (say this in singng voice) “Your so amazing, just the waaay you are” heehee. We love that song by Bruno Mars, Owen actually sang it on tape tonight!! Wish I knew how to post video onto this bad boy!! Anyway, we went and got Owen from Mom’s and headed back to Knotts! He had such a good time. Camp Snoopy is RIGHT up MY alley! haha  We had such an awesome day and evening!! Thank you Lord for my wonderful healthy boys…I’d be lost without them!!

 

		Owen and Addi had such a great time on all the rides!!
		We didn’t even make it on all the Camp Snoopy rides..naptime was calling our name around 1:30pm!

 

Then of course as I start blogging I start thinking about “what did we do LAST Valentines”….ohhhh yes I remember. We left Owen with Nana and Yosh brought me snowboarding.

 Yes I said snowboarding, and it was the first time I’d been boarding since going with an old high school boyfriend over 10 years ago. I was nervous I’d hurt myself, but thought hell lets go get it! haha And yes this time last year I was barely 11 days out from my 12th chemo treatment. So our snowboarding session wasn’t very long to say the least. I made it down the mountain 4 times and I was toast…to weak to even carry my board BUT I didn’t hurt myself, which is totally a plus!! …that day I also learned that IF Yosh and I ever make it on the Amazing Race, he HAS to read the directions OUT LOUD (we were lost for over an hour in Big Bear b/c my darling husband can’t read!) haha

 

 

Happy Valentines Everyone!!

Our Little Clare

Today was a very sad day!  At a young age of barely turning 3 years and 8 days old, our little Clare had to be sent to doggy heaven!

Back in November when we were re-doing our floors the Souza dogs were sent to Casa De Gallagher… indefinitely.  The reason we HAD to get new flooring was because our darling little Ando (my male Yorkie) had marked all over the carpet. The day that Ando “marked” my human child, I knew he had to be relocated quickly before Yosh killed them! So Ando and Clare were a package deal…so they were staying with my parents for a while. There they had more “dog friendly” areas to hang during the day and got lots of love and attention from my parents in the evenings…was the best situation for them!  Anyway…1.5 weeks ago Bernie said that Clare was acting “weird” and not eating great. I told Mother to not worry about it, she was probably having one of her “Neurotic Moments”.  She had them every few months, and those that come over our house often had witnessed the metal sniffing, random barking, hiding in the kitchen, etc. that Clare would do for a week or so at a time.  So I thought that was what was wrong this time as well.

After the marathon on Sunday Mom said Clare was NOT doing well and she was going to bring her to the vet Monday morning.  To make an extremely long story short, they kept her b/c her blood tests came back abnormal in a lot of areas. The vet wasn’t sure how Clare was still alive being how dehydrated she was, her white blood cells were very high, her red blood cells were extremely low, and the clotting agent was high as well…to make one believe she had internal bleeding somewhere.  So they wanted to get fluids into her and see if that would help her perk up a bit. Yesterday when Mom and I went to visit Clare, she seemed sick, but put her paws on me, wanted to be held and was licking me like crazy! So we left her another night and the vet started a steroid treatment with hopes that it would help her and what they thought was probably an auto-immune disease.  So last night, I hoped and prayed that our Clare was gonna feel much better today. 

When I called Dr. Butchko’s office today at lunch to check on Clare-Bear, I knew that something wasn’t right. I asked if she had eaten and how she was. They said very lethargic and no she hadn’t eaten.  Of course Mother and I went over to pay a visit to our little pup…once I saw her I knew she just wasn’t ok!  This is what she looked like:

She barely wagged her tail when she saw me…didn’t even TRY to get up and come to me. She barely wagged her tail when she saw Mom…but again didn’t budge to get up.  I petted her and and chatted with her and she didn’t or couldn’t even lick me!  And Clare is the type of dog that would lick the eyes out of your head if she was let!!  No licking, no moving, no nothing was a BAD BAD sign to me!  Since Clare’s vet was out today and tomorrow, the attending veterinarian (who was much nicer and more realistic than the original) told me that she wasn’t doing well and that I would be completely justified in taking Clare out of the pain she was in.  The vet told me that a lot of dogs that get this…stay there for weeks costing thousands of dollars and a lot never make it home.  I’ve NEVER had to deal with having the thoughts, guilt everything in the palm of my hand. I stood there looking at her try to keep her eyes open and thought…”I am thinking about sending Clare to doggy heaven and she doesn’t even know it”…am I the one to play God with her?? It’s a tough decision!!

So I told the vet…I can’t live thinking she is in pain and not going to be ok. The fact that her condition was worse from the day before I knew that she wasn’t going to pull through this. Got the paperwork together to have her euthanized…did you know they can cremate your doggy in an individual ceremony (for a small fee)…and give you the ashes to keep forever!?!?  I didn’t purchase any doggy remains…I don’t think Clare would have wanted that! (sorry trying to have a bit of humor about this, the tears have got to dry at some point!).  But I had Mom and Owen wait out in the waiting room…while I stayed with her.  When I picked her up, she could barely hold her own head up…and that’s when I REALLY knew this was the right decision for her! Her little heart stopped beating before the vet was finished pushing the stuff into her iv…the doc said usually it takes a few minutes after the shot for them to “fall asleep”, but Clare was already to weak and broken down it took seconds.  Was so peaceful…I just held her…and she lay her little head on my arm and that was it.  The vet warned me that sometimes after they pass, they urine or poop…but see…Clare was such an amazing dog she didn’t do either on me!  She’s up in Doggy heaven with all the other lovely little doggy pets that are done here on earth up but are up there keeping someone company while they wait at the gates for their loved ones!

Makes me sad that she was BARELY 3 years old…such a good healthy dog up until this point! Yeah she barked and woke my baby up from time to time, yeah she would chew all his darn toys and pacifiers were her absolute favorite “treat” haha…but she was a good little dog. And would let Owen body slam her and play with her…she was great. She will be deeply missed by ALL the Souza’s…

including my Father and Mother-in-Law…my Niece and Nephew Peyton and Bailey and my sis  and bro-in-laws, Missy & Chris.

<-----she loved Owen so much…always laying ON him or licking his face…but she really just loved him so so much! (Note Bernie’s face…haha)

 

Here are a few more pics of my crazy little dog!!! I can’t believe I’m blogging a memorial for her…NEVER in my wildest dreams did I think that a) she’d die ANYTIME soon b) that I’d BLOG about her….Gosh I’m a changed woman these days!

 

 

 

Rest In Doggy Peace my Little Clare Souza!

Feb. 1st, 2008 – Feb. 9th, 2011

 

Surf City 2011

So another item off the bucket list…I completed a half marathon!

Last year…I’m not sure who came up with the idea but Cindy  Hamann got my Mom and a few other ladies on board to participate in a half marathon. I think that originally the training/quality time was meant to help Mother get through my treatment, with having her friends around her for the support that she desperately needed! Either way, my Mother, Cindy Hamann, Sandi Newman, Nichole Lindersmith, Donnita Lindersmith, together, with the Road Warriors Running Club out of Redlands all did the 1/2 marathon in honor of ME! Erika Paul, Jonathan Morales and The Brito’s all did the Surf City 5k in honor of me as well! 

Redlands Road Warriors	Nichole, Sandi, Donnita and Mom	Jonathan, Lili, me, Erika & Fernando after the 5k

How humbling of an experience is it to have a Running Club, full of strangers, fundraise in my honor for a year, use me and my battle as their “shining star” during races and having family-friends that aren’t exactly “marathon runners”, get out there and accomplish something amazing like this!?!?  So when I found out that race day landed just 3 days after my last chemo treatment I knew that even if I was puking in my chair waiting for them to finish I’d HAVE to be there to cheer them on or at least hug them when they crossed the finish line!…so needless to say, I wasn’t feeling too hot, didn’t do much “cheering” but I did do a lot of hugging when I saw the women finish!!

So the bright GREEN shirts said “Carin for Erin” and seemed to get EVERYONE’S attention in Huntington Beach. Everyone asked the walkers “So who is Erin?”…and they’d say “she's at the finish line…and she’ll be doing it next year”!

When I was first diagnosed Cindy Hamann gave me one of her marathon medals…to help inspire me to kick this cancers booty.  I cherish that medal, and one of my lifetime goals HAS to be to complete that same Rock ‘N Roll marathon and give Cindy MY medal in return! Cindy has gone through some sh*t this past year…no, not cancer and chemo but she got run over by her own car, fractured pelvis, surgeries AND still recovered enough to do Surf City this year w/ her Road Warriors! Good Job Cindy!!

Finally spotting Bernie’s bright GREEN shirt I was overcome with joy and emotion.  She had a look of accomplishment across her face and I knew she was proud of herself.  Mom walked right over, took her medal off and put it around my neck and said “It was all for you my Loveen!” 

As we stood at the finish line last year we said that we were going to be completing this race again next year….but I was going to be a member of the team instead of a cheer-leader!

 

February 6th, 2011…

We lost Sandi for this year…she wasn’t able to commit the time to training this year, but look forward to having her (and her daughter-in-law) out next year! We added Trish Aries, Donnita’s friends Barbara & Shelley & Erika decided to up herself from the 5k to 13.1 miles!!! Thank you All That Bling for doing an awesome job on our Cancer Sucks! shirts!

I figured we didn’t need to do this race “for me” so the Carin’ For Erin shirts were going to have to get retired! BUT I wanted to still do something to show that Cancer Sucks and we don’t like it. Therefore the saying “Cancer Sucks!” fit accordingly for our new shirt logo! Mom had Mary D., and 2 Sylvia’s written on her shirt, so we thought about them and their current battles with cancers now!

So all the mornings we trained, the new shoes (and blisters that came alone with them), the outfits, etc. but all laughing aside I was getting serious about race time.  Those that know me, know that I’m not one bit competitive (haha)  I didn’t have many expectations for myself when signing up for this…but that soon led to the idea that I really wanted to get under 3hours.  I also went from the idea of walking the whole race like we’ve done Breast Cancer walks in the past to trying to actually jog some of this darn thing.  All the women wanted to walk, but I knew Trish would be game for getting my a$$ running….and THAT she did! Thank you Trish for pushing me when I needed it and not letting me fall behind! She gave me something to remember my FIRST half marathon…

This bracelet is so awesome…and she seems to always give the right gifts!

Trish and myself finished the 13.1 miles in 2 hours and 39 minutes…not too shabby! I was very proud of us!!!

…I was hurtin’ so bad yesterday that I was asleep by 7:30pm and felt like I got ran over by a truck BUT it was all worth it!!! Can’t wait for next year…and already looking into more “events” we can do this year as a group! Thanks ladies for an awesome experience…and see ya soon!

Another victory…another experience!! Thank you Lord for curing me!