Celebrating Owen

This year Owen’s birthday did NOT fall during spring break. It was actually the Monday we wet back to school.  And with the first weekend of spring break consumed with Easter stuff…and the second weekend of spring break we were planning to be at the river and the weekend AFTER his birthday we had baseball commitments both days so we realized that we were going to have to do a mid-week birthday party.  It worked since MOST of his friends were on spring break too. But I have to say that this birthday was a bit different…he asked to invite some of “his” school and baseball friends.  Usually his parties consist of OUR friends kids, who are his friends too…but this year we invited kids whom I didn’t know their parents, new neighbors, baseball friends and some of his friends we have known forever.  All the worlds colliding and it worked out GREAT!! But we did miss some of our good friends who weren’t able to make it too.

We went to Sky Zone…on a Tuesday afternoon for some jumping and pizza.  He wanted a Goosebumps theme (weird right?? Thank God for etsy!)

It was our first time at Sky Zone but the other moms said it was the busiest day they have ever seen…of course it would be on the day of his party. BUT the crowds didn’t stop the kids from having a great time!

Owen jumped for 1.5 hours straight…

Owen had a great time with all his friends and asked to open presents at home, rather than at SkyZone in front of everyone.  So we came home and he opened everything..so excited about each and every one!!

Thank goodness for having Nana there today…she was the extra set of hands I’ve always wanted! haha No really…Yosh was jumping with kids, I was setting up the birthday room then trying to take pictures and check on guests all while Nana took care of Maggie!! Thanks again Nana!

I texted pictures and thank yous to everyone…is that totally rude?!? Thank you cards are just not going to probably happen this year. Maybe when I’m able to get my sh*t together and handle these 3 kids a bit better haha.

My parents gave him an ipod touch…he was SO excited! And its really cute that he has learned how to imessage…cute but kinda annoying too! haha

Owen loved his party…but kept making sure that on his actual birthday we would be opening more presents and celebrating again. Of course my little man..we could never NOT celebrate your day.

Losing a son.

I know what losing a brother feels like…I know what it feels like to be “alone” as an only child. I know the feeling of wanting to have a bigger family.  But I don’t know what it feels like to lose your son. I have only known my son for about 7 years and I can’t even fathom the idea of losing him.  Today it brought tears to my eyes to see my mom have to visit her only son at the cemetery.

Its a sight I have seen many times in the past 16 years.  My mother crouching down to put her floral cone of freshly trimmed white roses on HER baby’s grave.  On our awkward ride to Riverside, we want to talk, we want to pretend that its just any other day but there is “that feeling” thats hanging in the air.  On todays drive we listened to a CD I made years ago of some of my favorite songs…some are sad, some are happy.   When we pull into Riverside National, feelings come back. Feelings of March 31st, 2000 when Paul was laid to rest here. On our visit today I was thinking as a mother…not as a sister.  Being a mom losing a child. Now I have 3 babies that are my world and I have only been a mom for 7 years but the love that a woman has in that timeframe is unmeasurable. And my own poor Mother… only had her son for 20 years…not enough time. Not enough time at all!

It brings tears to my eyes to think of only having Owen for another 14 years…losing a son at 20 years old…no words can express the devastation. I said to my mom today…if I lost Owen now, only after 7 years I would die…and her response was “yes…a piece of you dies. A piece of you dies and is with your son”. 

When my brother Paul was killed I was young.  I was 3 weeks shy of my 18th birthday…he was 3.5 weeks shy of his 21st.  He wasn’t living with us at the time because of him trying to figure some things out in his life.  The way the whole day went down is terrible.

I only remember bits and pieces of that time in my life. I have been told that your brain blocks out pain…and I believe it. One thing I do remember is me thinking and saying “I can’t wait for this to be 16-20 years from now…the pain will be gone by then!”  well…I can’t believe it when I say…it IS 16 years and unfortunately the pain did NOT go away.

Now the pain is so different. Its pain for what I think we could have had. Trying to explain to Owen about his Uncle Paul is hard. He asks a lot of questions…really tough questions that I’m not sure how to answer just yet.  One day he’ll get the real story…one day when I know he’s mature enough to understand.

But 16 years later…and I still take the day off work. I’d be useless to my students and colleagues so its best I stay home. Its the one day I allow myself to kinda throw a pity party for myself. I cry when I want and don’t think twice about it.  And its better when I can spend it with my mom. This year we went to the cemetery  then to lunch.  It was nice.  Sad but nice. 

Luckily I have these amazingly adorable little distractions…

They don’t even KNOW what they do for me…I thank God everyday for putting them in my life!!

So March 24th is our forever sad day. I hate it. I hate this time of year. March 24th is so close to April 19th (which is Paul’s birthday) so its all a time that is a bit depressing. I feel sad for my parents. I feel sad for my kids who don’t get to meet their uncle. Life is a bitch sometimes…and thats all!

The Living Desert

A few years ago, back when Owen was an only child, Mom and I brought him out to the Living Desert and we liked it.  We told each other we’d have to come back…and it only took us like 5 years and 2 more kids to get back there.

November 2010

Those pictures make me smile…my little Owen was so small!! It was a different time, different life.  Different stresses. This was 8 months post chemo…and we were so happy to not be consumed with oncologists, blood work, etc and able to enjoy our little man.

And now we are definitely in a different place in life…much much happier place!! My dreams came true.

But flash forward 6 years and we are back to The Living Desert.

Its such a cool little place that has lots of pretty cool stuff!  How sad is it that the closest thing to a zoo that Ella has ever been to is Pet Smart…so this place was a tiny slice of heaven for her. 

I was kinda super excited because they recently added the Giraffe feeding part to the Living Desert and we arrived RIGHT as the feeding hour started. Totally something everyone has on their bucket list right?!?  I’ll be honest…I was actually a little scared of the huge, oddly calm animals…but Owen and Ella didn’t mind one bit.

And of course, leave it to me…I had a brilliant idea to try and feed one right behind us for a cool picture. Well…it backfired on me. The darn things tongue is So long, SO scratchy and FREAKED ME THE HELL OUT! haha  I may or may not have kinda squealed-screamed a little bit.

Ella was so brave…for being so tiny she sure is huge when it comes to being fearless.

After feeding the giraffe’s Ella was hell bent on doing “the ride”…I had NO clue what she was talking about and she kept whining and crying about doing “that ride thing”. She didn’t have the words to tell us so I asked her to explain it…and she said” the one with the back thingy” (while running her hands down her back!) It was hilarious. She wanted to do the camel ride SO badly. So that was next.  Again…I was a little scared of this too! I was terrified we’d be one of those home videos of a camel going crazy with family on its back…

Yes I was snapchatting our bumpy camel ride…it was hilarious.

Let me tell you…a camel ride is NOT a smooth ride. It was VERy bumpy. Of course Ella enjoyed every second telling me “Mom thats how the camels walks!!”  and Owen just laughed and laughed at his silly Mom.  Lucky Nana got to keep her feet on the ground and watch Mags.

Ella wanted to ride camels...Owen wanted to hold butterflies. Go figure.

Maggie was happy when facing forward getting to take in all that was around her…she’s such an easy baby!  I think all #3’s are that way…probably from a mix of professional parenting and just having to be that way because parents don’t have the same time they had with #1 and #2. haha

We got to brush/pet some goats…who oddly enough all seemed to HATE Ella and would throw their horns at her when she came near them but all loved Owen…haha They sense crazy! haha just kidding no I don’t know what their problems were…she was being very quiet, moving slowly but still just didn’t seem to like her.

The only down side of The Living Desert is a) it gets HOT and b) it’s a lot of walking if you have a stroller and are unable to ride the tram/shuttle thing.

Bernie loved the walking and Ella loved staying cool…

They have discovery centers, and LOTS of animals.  We saw a good few animals awake but of course lots of exhibits that had sleeping animals nowhere to be found too.  We were there in the afternoon…I’m assuming morning hours are better for actually SEEING all the animals awake.

Maggie snoozed in 93 degree weather…the coyotes and meerkats didn’t do it for her.

This was in a “hummingbird forest”…it was so pretty and serene.

I love hummingbirds. I feel like they are a sign from Paul…that he’s watching and with us. i always have hummingbirds around me at odd times…like for example…the day I moved out of my house (and into the townhouse with Yosh in 2006) a hummingbird flew into my parents house. It’s very uncommon for a smart hummingbird to fly inside places…was weird…so since then I just have a good feeling from them.

But it was a great day!! Its a place I totally recommend to people who are local. The prices are totally affordable as well.  My kids love it. You can do the whole park in one day…BUT my kids are already asking to go back again soon.  I will probably be waiting until cooler weather…just too HOT out in that desert!

I took this picture of Mags to send to Daddy (who was in Vegas for March Madness at the time) to show him that she was having a “bad eye day”…her ptosis is worse some days more than others.  But either way this little lady is a freaking cutie!

St. Paddy’s Day

Our St. Patricks day was pretty uneventful and it actually felt very rushed! haha  Daddy was in Vegas with some of his friends for March Madness…so it was just me and the babes for 4 days.  Thankfully Nana came over to lend me some help and a partner to celebrate with…sort of.

We all had work and school like usual. After school I rushed home and got dinner ready…we went for the “real” Irish dinner of chicken curry, rice and french fries. While the american irish people ate their blah cornbeef and cabbage.

From dinner we rushed to get some pictures of the kiddos…then off to Owen’s baseball practice.

Once home it was bathes and bed!

THEN Nana and I were able to relax and have a glass of wine, watch a few girl shows in peace!

And my favorite part of my day was having my mama stay the night with me. We were trying to think when was the last time we slept in the same room together…and we think it was during our 3 day cancer walk when we slept in the tent.  And it was 1999 in Ireland when we slept in the same bed.  So tonight was kinda special…

We had a real sleep over. And I haven’t slept that soundly in a long time!!! Its a tad different having a 115lb woman next to you opposed to a 200lb snoring man! haha 

She made my Paddy’s day…I got to spend time with my favorite leprechaun!