Wow look at it grow!

Our weekend has arrived and it feels good to have Daddy home and not working! Even though he can’t help as much as he’d like (if only men could lactate! haha)…its still nice! Its busy around here…and I’m trying to stay on top of teaching my online health class…trying is the key word! haha Every time I sit down to grade projects or check grades I just want to blog…about the happiness around here. Little Ella has brought a new bit of brightness to our days…ALL of us…even our Owen LOVES having a baby around the house.  So instead of grading I thought it was time to share this belly progression documented with photos I’ve been taking since the beginning!  Again…Thank you pinterest!

Welcome Home Ella…our first doctors appt!

Super Bowl Sunday landed on February 3rd…and it was the first full day of having our little girl home…such a crazy special day!
February 3rd, 2010, 3 whole years ago, other than celebrating my parents wedding anniversary AND my cousin Alan’s birthday…this was what I was doing…
Undergoing chemotherapy treatment #12…the last treatment and celebrating beating Hodgkins Lymphoma’s ASS!! That time in my life we were unsure if more babies were in our future. We hoped and prayed that chemo didn’t ruin my woman parts and we’d be blessed with another baby someday! Life was just uncertain…yes we were so happy to have our Owen but always wanted more children. So we waited…for 2 years to see if everything was still functioning…and guess what…

3 years later…to the day…here we are spending our day with our 4 day old daughter…yes we are truly blessed!! My woman parts still worked, thankfully it was SOMETHING that cancer didn’t take away from me!

But anyway we are home from the hospital now…getting to really KNOW our baby!! I think it’s the best yet hardest part of being a new mom! I found it was hard with Owen…I had all these emotions going through me and didn’t realize it until years later that I had some major anxiety! Not in the “I don’t love my baby” kinda way, but I didn’t want to leave my house, didn’t want any one other than me holding my baby, didn’t really want visitors over for fear they’d stay to long, but I didn’t like being alone for LONG periods of time either! I was a mess after Owen…and totally thought it wouldn’t happen this time around since I knew about it and had myself prepared….WRONG! haha  Even though we practically had no visitors at the hospital (bar our parents and 1 friend)…when we got home I thought everything was ok. Even ventured to a friends house for Super Bowl Sunday! Yes my closest friends were so proud of me…I only lasted about 2.5 hours of the game BUT that’s good for me. I thought my anxiety was under control this time around….UNTIL yesterday at the doctors office!

Ella had her first “Well Baby Check-Up”…so our family of four ventured out to Kaiser. Getting to kaiser Ontario I realized the place was a madhouse…and we had to wait in the regular pediatrics waiting room. (Kaiser Fontana you get sent to a special little Newborn only area). Here in Ontario there were other beasts…I mean children…in the waiting room. They started playing kinda rough…then it got louder and louder and kids were running, climbing, acting like little animals. I calmly told Owen that he needed to play with manners (aka w/o acting like a crazy child)….everytime the door opened I prayed the nurse was going to call us. I felt the room shrinking, the kids were getting louder and I was starting to sweat. I kept looking at my phone so the tears would stay away. I was seconds away from walking out of the place when they finally called for Ella Souza.

I walked into the examining room and just start balling crying. haha I had NO clue why…just overwhelmed! The nurse was so awesome just give me a little hug and said she sees this ALL THE TIME…hormones just settling down. So I sat and cried…Yosh held Ella while Owen chatted up the nurse for ages. He explained to the nurse all about his favorite shows, things from when he was a little baby, how he wanted to be a doctor when he grew up and even that I feed his baby sister with my BOOBS (Owen LOVEs saying BOOBS and thinks he just so funny! haha) The nurse was amazing, listened, asked him questions and made Owen feel so like THE MAN, even brought him to pick out 3 stickers! God Bless that woman!!!
So the appointment carried on…I eventually calmed down.  The nurse re-weighed our girl (whom left the hospital weighing about 8lbs 5oz), and I was happy that she gained some weight back at 8lbs 9oz…and for some reason today the nurse measured her at 21 inches long…I DON’T think she grew 2 inches in 5 days…so the nurses at the hospital must have measured her wrong.  Now I think…damn-it…for her announcements do we go with the original measurement from the hospital OR the amendment to her height??? haha Oh the dumb things I think about !

Doc came in and started her exam…she was a nice doctor that kept Ella covered with a blanket and didn’t make the poor child freeze her booty off in just a diaper.

I noticed she was listening to Ella’s heart for quite some time…she’d listen, do something else and always come back to listen again. Of course my child wanted to be fed, so she let me feed the baby, and even while feeding she came over to listen to her heart again. I had a feeling something was up…which there was. The doctor detected a heart murmur…and felt that she needed an EKG done as soon as possible. Since the EKG machine for babies is only at the Fontana Kaiser and we’d have to wait a few days until an appt was available.  She brought in the O2 machine to make sure Ella was getting full oxygen, which she was so she wasn’t too panicked.
So we have now been referred to a pediatric cardiologist for an EKG on Monday. I’m praying that its something VERY minor…I figure if it was something major the NICU would have detected it while she was there for 3 days?!?! The doctor did say she could have developed it SINCE being in the NICU…but we will wait and see. I’m trying not to stress or worry…I have heard of many people having heart murmurs and being fine. I just hope its something that she will grow out of and NOT need surgery! So our adventure continues…Ella wasn’t spared of the curse…something always freakin’ wrong!

Please continue to keep our little girl in your prayers! xoxo

Her Ladyship as arrived!!

Well…I’m a mother of 2 kids now…pretty crazy to comprehend!!  We welcomed our little lady a day earlier than we expected.

I woke up Wednesday, Jan 30th and noticed I was having some cramping and fresh blood when I went to the bathroom. I got up, Owen ready and brought him to Martha’s…while doing that I noticed that I was having contractions every 4-5 minutes! So I called the advice nurse who said I might wanna come in JUST IN CASE and Yosh at work and told him he might wanna get a sub. Yosh came home…we took our time getting ready, showered, dressed, make-up, cleaned out cars, took chalkboard pictures…

And to make a LONG story short…the doc at kaiser that it was best that we delivery baby right THEN because my contractions were getting closer together…so why wait! I couldn’t believe we were going to have our baby! I started feeling guilty..like we didn’t tell Owen or pretty much anyone other than MY mom that it was Baby Time.

Feeling a little rushed…but was probably a good thing…I didn’t have much time to freak out at all. While Yosh gowned and scrubbed up…I got my spinal block…which was NOT bad at all! Little uncomfortable but TOTALLY not bad. Everything was go time…

And 7 minutes after Yosh entered the Operating Room our Ella Bernadette was TUGGED out of my belly!

Ella Bernadette
8lbs 12oz
19 inches

Doctors exact words: “SHIT she was way bigger than I thought she was going to be!”

So I waited to hear a cry….hearing it a few times…I started thinking something was wrong. I kept asking Yosh if she was ok and with look of panic on his face he tried re-assuring me that everything was fine. Our little chubbo weighed in at 8lbs 12oz…she was the spitting image of her big brother, just a bit bigger!

Longest part of the csection was them putting me back together. During that time…the nurses tried getting Ella to breath on her own and get a good cry. But she seemed to be struggling. They called the NICU team in after 10 minutes and they figured out she had fluid in her lungs. Before they took her to the NICU the nurses explained to me that it was common in csection babies to have fluid in their lungs b/c they were squeezed through the birthing canal. So I started to worried. Recovery was horrible…I just cried and cried hoping she was ok! And when they wheeled me into the NICU to see her I wasn’t allowed to hold her, just barely touch her…

All the wires had me so alarmed…made me so sad. I didn’t get that skin to skin bonding, the immediate nursing…nothing. I just didn’t understand how such a big baby who looked so healthy wasn’t. Scary!

Our first family photo :(

So we got brought to my room…where I wasn’t allowed to see my precious little daughter for 12 hours. Owen came to visit me…and was so confused as to why he wasn’t allowed to meet his baby sister! I was sad for him…I just wanted our family together.  How depressing it was that long day in the hospital room.  But Baby Sister DID bring Owen a present…he got the dragon that goes to his castle…so he was very happy that she "knew” it was what he always  wanted! lol

Once I was allowed to be up and walking (which was at midnight) you know my ass was up! The pain of standing up was NOTHING since I had motivation to see my girl! Catheter bag on one side…IV on the other we trekked down to the NICU and I FINALLY got to hold and meet my little girl! …Oh yes…I cried…again! lol

I still wasn’t allowed to feed  her…they didn’t want to stress her body out, so my poor girl was on a nutrient IV, as well as antibiotics in case of any infection.  We were told that they did a blood culture and started a 48 hr antibiotic so she would be in the NICU until AT LEAST Friday. I was sad…but since I was up and walking I felt ok being able to at least see her.

As the days went on it became routine…every 3 hours I would pump and then finally I got to walk down there and nurse my baby! I was grateful that she was so healthy…I think one of the nurses said she was largest baby in the NICU to date (but its only been open for about a year or less). haha She was huge compared to all those other tiny babies! But as the days passed and the tubes started coming out…the IV’s were slowed, everything was coming together for our healthy little one!!

Daddy got to change the first diaper, feed her the first time and put clothes on her for the first time. He was proud of himself for being the first for all of that! He was so great always giving me updates on how she was doing that first 12 hours of her life!

Then on Friday night around 7pm she was allowed to leave the NICU and room with us for the night. It was so awesome!!! Yosh and I were beyond ready for our miniature roommate to appear! The nurse played the stork that brought our “special delivery” to our room…and Big Brother was on his way to finally get to meet his sister!

…sigh….she was safe, healthy and where she belonged…right with US!

Big brother came and was in LOVE with her…it was the cutest thing ever. He begged to hold her for 10 minutes…and even sang her a song!

And finally our family of four were able to be together!! My heart was so HAPPY!

We loved our first night “rooming” with our girl…she’s the best baby!! She’d wake every 2-3 hours, eat and go back to bed! It was awesome! She is so much like her big brother…a very calm content baby! Truly blessed! The next morning I got the all clear from the OB and Ella got the all clear from the NICU doctor…we were on our way home after lunchtime!

Got home to Big Brother SOO excited to see his Baby Sister again, demanding to hold her again!! Life was complete.

So she’s here…I’m busy and tired…but loving every second of it. Now if I could only get my hormones in check (I’ll post more about that tomorrow).

xoxo