Super Bowl Sunday landed on February 3rd…and it was the first full day of having our little girl home…such a crazy special day!
February 3rd, 2010, 3 whole years ago, other than celebrating my parents wedding anniversary AND my cousin Alan’s birthday…this was what I was doing… 
3 years later…to the day…here we are spending our day with our 4 day old daughter…yes we are truly blessed!! My woman parts still worked, thankfully it was SOMETHING that cancer didn’t take away from me!
But anyway we are home from the hospital now…getting to really KNOW our baby!! I think it’s the best yet hardest part of being a new mom! I found it was hard with Owen…I had all these emotions going through me and didn’t realize it until years later that I had some major anxiety! Not in the “I don’t love my baby” kinda way, but I didn’t want to leave my house, didn’t want any one other than me holding my baby, didn’t really want visitors over for fear they’d stay to long, but I didn’t like being alone for LONG periods of time either! I was a mess after Owen…and totally thought it wouldn’t happen this time around since I knew about it and had myself prepared….WRONG! haha Even though we practically had no visitors at the hospital (bar our parents and 1 friend)…when we got home I thought everything was ok. Even ventured to a friends house for Super Bowl Sunday! Yes my closest friends were so proud of me…I only lasted about 2.5 hours of the game BUT that’s good for me. I thought my anxiety was under control this time around….UNTIL yesterday at the doctors office!
Ella had her first “Well Baby Check-Up”…so our family of four ventured out to Kaiser. Getting to kaiser Ontario I realized the place was a madhouse…and we had to wait in the regular pediatrics waiting room. (Kaiser Fontana you get sent to a special little Newborn only area). Here in Ontario there were other beasts…I mean children…in the waiting room. They started playing kinda rough…then it got louder and louder and kids were running, climbing, acting like little animals. I calmly told Owen that he needed to play with manners (aka w/o acting like a crazy child)….everytime the door opened I prayed the nurse was going to call us. I felt the room shrinking, the kids were getting louder and I was starting to sweat. I kept looking at my phone so the tears would stay away. I was seconds away from walking out of the place when they finally called for Ella Souza.
I walked into the examining room and just start balling crying. haha I had NO clue why…just overwhelmed! The nurse was so awesome just give me a little hug and said she sees this ALL THE TIME…hormones just settling down. So I sat and cried…Yosh held Ella while Owen chatted up the nurse for ages. He explained to the nurse all about his favorite shows, things from when he was a little baby, how he wanted to be a doctor when he grew up and even that I feed his baby sister with my BOOBS (Owen LOVEs saying BOOBS and thinks he just so funny! haha) The nurse was amazing, listened, asked him questions and made Owen feel so like THE MAN, even brought him to pick out 3 stickers! God Bless that woman!!!
So the appointment carried on…I eventually calmed down. The nurse re-weighed our girl (whom left the hospital weighing about 8lbs 5oz), and I was happy that she gained some weight back at 8lbs 9oz…and for some reason today the nurse measured her at 21 inches long…I DON’T think she grew 2 inches in 5 days…so the nurses at the hospital must have measured her wrong. Now I think…damn-it…for her announcements do we go with the original measurement from the hospital OR the amendment to her height??? haha Oh the dumb things I think about !
Doc came in and started her exam…she was a nice doctor that kept Ella covered with a blanket and didn’t make the poor child freeze her booty off in just a diaper.
I noticed she was listening to Ella’s heart for quite some time…she’d listen, do something else and always come back to listen again. Of course my child wanted to be fed, so she let me feed the baby, and even while feeding she came over to listen to her heart again. I had a feeling something was up…which there was. The doctor detected a heart murmur…and felt that she needed an EKG done as soon as possible. Since the EKG machine for babies is only at the Fontana Kaiser and we’d have to wait a few days until an appt was available. She brought in the O2 machine to make sure Ella was getting full oxygen, which she was so she wasn’t too panicked.
So we have now been referred to a pediatric cardiologist for an EKG on Monday. I’m praying that its something VERY minor…I figure if it was something major the NICU would have detected it while she was there for 3 days?!?! The doctor did say she could have developed it SINCE being in the NICU…but we will wait and see. I’m trying not to stress or worry…I have heard of many people having heart murmurs and being fine. I just hope its something that she will grow out of and NOT need surgery! So our adventure continues…Ella wasn’t spared of the curse…something always freakin’ wrong!
Please continue to keep our little girl in your prayers! xoxo
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