Like I said before, this year my brothers anniversary was extra emotional. I’m not sure why, but it was! Is anniversary is end of March and his birthday is April 19th…makes for a sad month or so. But we have to add in happiness with Owen’s birth and usually Easter…great distractions but this year it didn’t work.
Again I woke up on Pauls birthday feeling extra emotional again. But went to work as usual.
After our 3rd period, I was walking in from the blacktop and my friend Mark and I saw this hummingbird just laying on the ground. My heart started racing when I saw it. Ever since Paul passed away we have always felt his presence in hummingbirds. They appear in times when we know Paul wants us to know he’s around. Even the day I moved out of my parents house a hummingbird FLEW into my parents house!! That doesn’t happen very often!!
Anyway…it was so ironic that ON Paul’s birthday there is this tiny little bird…needing help!
I ran into my office and grabbed a paper bowl…needing to save this little birdie. The lunch bell was about to ring and he would get trampled. Once I got him in the bowl I had NO clue what to do next. Luckily a few students had seen the bird as well and went to get gloves…so they came and brought the bird to the Harp’s science classroom. PERFECT person for this bird…they had birds growing up and they would know what to do!!!
When I got back to my office, I started crying. And could NOT stop. It was the weirdest thing. I just cried and cried. I changed my clothes and went into the weight room, as I do everyday…and again could NOT stop crying. So my workout buddy, who is a man…also kinda shocked that I was crying over a little bird…but yeah I cried and worked out…for like 45 minutes. I have no clue what it was. I guess I just needed some emotional destress this year. Maybe I’ve been bottling a lot of my feelings about my brother up lately because I just let it out!!
And to make this time of year even harder…my best friends little sister…who is like my little sister passed away at the age of 30 to alcoholism. Tragic loss and it was so sad!! So emotions were funning high!!
So getting “the sign” from my brother on his birthday meant more that year. I miss him so much. I miss our life back then. I miss the happy memories and not having someone to share them with anymore. I miss the idea of what our life COULD be if he was here. Yeah. He’s a piece thats gone…and I’m still very angry about it. And now my best friend has to deal with that piece of her heart missing as well!
And…for the record. Mr. Harp told me that they give the little bird some sugar water, warm lamp for a bit. Then started moving around…the kids let him outside and he flew away!! ((my heart))
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