March Sadness

Most years I take off work on March 24th. Its Paul's anniversary…and even after 18 years it hurts this day. Usually I spend the day with my mom…just being close to her makes the day easier. This year Mom was in Ireland…and the 24th was a Saturday where I knew I wasn’t going to have time to be emotional or have time to myself…my kids need me and my smile! 

So I took the day before off, March 23rd..which is still an emotional day to me. That day 18 years prior was the last time I saw my brother alive. He was riding a bike through the parking lot of Rite Aid. I saw him…and didn’t stop to say anything to him. We were in a cross roads of our relationship…he wanted to live the way he wanted to live…and my parents didn’t agree or condone of it.  So yeah. If I could go back, the coulda, woulda, shoulda…ya know?!?  But later that evening his life was brutally taken at the hands of another human being…and 18 years later, no justice was served.
No words. Still a lot of anger and questions.

But this year I was emotional. Not sure why…but I cried…a lot. All day. It was weird. More than usual. So I had my day…alone…and spent it at the cemetery.

When I was in college at RCC in the fall of 2000, I used to come to his grave, lay on my parka and take naps. Its a peaceful place you know. Nothing like having a place to be, think, cry, talk to, and just have those moments when you need them. When you are missing your loved one. 

On Paul’s actual anniversary we had a day FILLED of family stuff. We had the Vantage Point Easter event at Roosevelt, which we HAD to do every year. It checked a bunch of “easter stuff” off the checklist.  This year Owen also had a soccer game…so we squeezed it all in.

I was very happy with our Bunny pic this year. Maggie was unsure, but didn’t loose her shit!! So we got 3 smiles! Winning.  And yes…Ella is wearing the same leggings from 2 years ago…lol she doesn’t grow very fast! haha

Then they each got to do an Easter Egg “hunt”…well really it was running and filling their baskets for candy tickets!

This year Maggie actually got the idea of what she was suppose to be doing…and loved it!!

And Ella loved it too!

We do love this event and have been going for years!!

But after bunnies and eggs Owen had game time!!

Owen’s a lucky boy…he has 2 of the biggest cheer leaders around!

Having my kids needing and depending on me made Pauls actual anniversary a little bit better! I didn’t have time to be sad…these kids are the best distractions someone could ask for!