I’ve had one of those days….October 28th was a significant day for me in 2009. It was the day that I finally decided to end the anxiety of my hair falling out during chemotherapy.
October 28, 2009, I had just had treatment #5…
I had some MAJOR trouble even swallowing my pre-meds at this point, I was terrified to puck during treatment. So Mom and Dad were my “chemo-buddies” (aka driver/breakfast buddy) for the day, while Yosh stayed home w/ Owen.
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| Dad | and Mom! |
My hair was thinning like crazy and I was shocked at how much anxiety just the thought of my hair actually being gone was causing me. Even with my 2 “transition” hair cuts (which the second cut is pictured above and I absolutely HATED it)…I was still scared to actually “LOOK” sick. But when I got home from Kaiser that day had a nice nap, and decided it was THE day to do this…so Yosh and I had some fun with his clippers!
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| I visited “Cutz by Yoshi” LOL | I see Paul in myself in this picture! When he used to have the “step” hair cut in 8th grade! |
 |  Hot…I know! haha |
 All that hair  |  The finished products…we kinda look like bald Owen then!  |
Talk about being a SUPER SUPPORTER…Yosh decided to let me shave his head after he was finished playing barber shop with mine. It was a pretty emotional time. Just brought me back to the night that I shaved my mothers head…5 years prior.
I couldn’t find a pic of me shaving Mom’s head…but this is my Mother Oct. 2004, 5 weeks into chemotherapy! This is one of my favorite pictures of my parents!
After looking in the mirror and thinking I could either be G.I. Jane or Uncle Fester from Adams Family for Halloween, I remember thinking…”this isn’t that bad”….that feeling didn’t last long. Owen (was 6.5 months old at the time) was asleep in his crib while we were getting rid of my hair. He woke up and I ran up to get him and put him back to sleep. Then he saw me and started screaming…he had NO idea who I was. So, of course I started to cry, rock him and tell him that it was Mama and everything was ok. He eventually looked at me…touched my eyelash (yes they were barely hangin on at this point)…and he seemed ok. He never had an issue with his Mama being bald again.
And now…1 year later…I have about 3-4 inches of CURLY dark hair!! Appreciative for what I have BUT taking LOTS of time to get used to it.
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| Yay to having hair again! | Look…I can even tie my “”bangs” back! heehee |
Such an awesome post!!! I love how you have documented everything. You are and always will be such an amazing person. I look up to :)
ReplyDeleteAmazing!! I love the flashback pics! You can rock any hair syle beautifully! And yes, you look just like a bald Owen with no hair, heehee! ;)
ReplyDeleteyou look so beautiful...
ReplyDeleteyou look so much like your amazing mom!
So, I wrote this long comment here that was all teary and funny and full of awesomeness.
ReplyDeleteThen I went to post it and apparently wasn't signed into my username and as a result? It was lost in cyberspace. I am not happy about this.
I'll paraphrase.
The moment you shared with us about how the night you shaved your head Owen didn't recognize you? It made me do more than just tear up,Erin.
Maybe it is because on some level, I can totally relate (I'm sure this has inspired my next blog post, so the details will be available some time soon, I'm sure. lol).
Maybe it's because that while I felt this heart break as a result of mistakes I made, you were forced to experience it while battling effin CANCER.
I cannot begin to fathom the anger you must have had deep inside you during moments like this. Sadness, undoubtedly, but also anger. And if you did have this much deserved anger, you hid it very well from your audience of supporters.
A person's character reveals itself during moments of hardship. I'm sure I'm not the only one who sees yours shining bright through (what I hope to be) the toughest hardships you'll ever face.
Not many could pull it off, Mrs. Souza. But you did it in style.
Love you, Girl. And your Mom. And your Brother.